For Coby

Lost

I couldn't stop squeezing Coby's hand as Brandon rushed me to the hospital. I wished everything was going to be okay, which was what I was being told in the car. Maybe it was just a part of the pregnancy, I thought. Although I've never been pregnant before, I had a strong feeling this wasn't something you normally did.

"Well, Miss Brightman, I didn't except you to be back so early". The nurse that had treated me earlier greeted us with a smile. "Is everything alright at home"?

"She's been coughing up blood! Can you help her"? Brandon panicked. Coby just stood there, nodding at every word. "Please, I think it might be the baby. Someone, go get her doctor".

The baby. I didn't think of that. What if it was, what if it got hurt with everything that has been going on? I read somewhere that if you have a very stressful life, that could affect the baby.

I thought of the worst thing that could happen. If it turned out that the baby was dead, Coby would want to try for another. He didn't tell me what he would do if it was a miscarriage the first time. I didn't want to know.

The nurse took me from Brandon and wheeled me into a room. She took my blood pressure, and felt around in my stomach. It was only a few days ago that I found out I was carrying Coby's baby, so the bump shouldn't be noticeable.

"How are you feeling? Hot, dizzy, uncomfortable in any way"?

"My stomach feels like it's being punched". I groaned in pain.

She nodded. "The doctor will be in soon, I've requested him for you". She took off her gloves. "In the meantime, how about we do the ultrasound a bit early and see how your baby's doing"?

"Oh, that would be great". To be honest, I was getting a little bit anxious to see how my baby was doing I laid down and was given a hospital gown to put on. She told me I couldn't see much of the baby yet, since it was too early in, but I could see how it's been forming.

The cold, blue gel was smeared on my stomach. The nurse grabbed a funny looking tool, and switched on the machine.

I wished Brandon could've been here to see this with me. Of course, if he did, Coby would've shown up too. They've become so close, it's hard to believe Coby would ever want to kill him.

I had gotten so focused on my train of thought that I had forgotten why I was here in the first place.

The nurse was frowning when I looked up. "What's wrong"? I ask.

She immediately began to smile. "Nothing's wrong, just having a bit of trouble finding the baby".

I guess it was going to be harder than I thought.

After a couple of more minutes with no news, she stood up. "I'll just go get the doctor".

I layer alone in silence as I heard the doctor and nurse talk outside. What was going on? Was there something they weren't telling me?

Soon, the doctor came in followed by the nurse. "Hello Ashley". The doctor I remember, smiles, walks to my bed and switches on the machine again. "I'm going to help find the baby". I nodded, they didn't seem very sure of themselves.

Meanwhile, outside the office, Coby and Brandon where waiting. I could hear talking, since the walls where thin enough, but I couldn't hear what they where saying. I wondered.

After a couple of more minutes, both the doctor and the nurse sighed. I was confused. Did something bad happen?

"Well, where are the pictures"? I looked towards the device that the doctor placed on my stomach. "Did this thing stop working"? I was in denial.

The nurse started clearing off the blue gel on my stomach while the doctor cleared his throat, "Well, Miss Brightman, it's never easy to say this but"... He looked at me and shook his head.

"What do you mean"? I just wanted them to admit it.

"I'm afraid... You lost the baby".

I looked at the floor.

"I'm sorry. You can try again in a few months".

I felt tears. Even though it was Coby's, I still cared about it. I felt responsible for what happened, even though I knew this was common.

"I can tell your mother, and your two friends outside, if you don't feel comfortable". The doctor said, even I saw pain in his eyes.

I shook my head, trying not to make a sound. I knew if I did, I would start crying and I didn't want that to happen in front of the two people that told me.

After everything was cleaned up off me, I took the doctors hand as we walked out the door.

I faced Brandon and Coby. They both seemed nervous, but they didn't have to be.

"Ashley, oh my god, Coby she's out. Did something happen"? Brandon asked. When I didn't answer, he faced the doctor for answers, "Doc, what's wrong"?

"I'm... Sorry". He pat Brandon's shoulder and looked at Coby, who had put an arm around me. Then he continued down the hallway, leaving Brandon speechless. He looked at me.

"I... I lost the baby. The nurse couldn't find it in the ultrasound". I sighed and couldn't look up from the floor.

Immediately, Brandon hugged me. It didn't last that long, but I it made me cry into his shoulder. "Oh, Ash".. I hoped Coby didn't mind.

When he let go of me, he sighed and rubbed my arms. "I'll... Warm the car up for us". I saw he was sad too.

When he turned the corner and was out of sight, I started to slowly walk but Coby stopped me and grabbed my arm.

"We'll try again".