ALL THE THINGS WE LEFT BEHIND

end

He had always known of course.

Miguel Isaiah Antonio Roxas always knew that my feelings for him ran much deeper than friendship. It was more than friendship. I love him with all of my heart and all of my soul. I always loved him. Always will.

He wasn't manhid. He'd always been a sensible guy. He cared for me but he didn't feel the same way. To put it simply (really, simply??? sorry, I couldn't find a more fitting word than simplybecause well, mas mabuti na 'yung direct to the point) Migo just didn't love me back.

OH DI BA?

Tangina. SAKIT!

It's not as if I'm blaming him that he couldn't love me back. People aren't wired to fall in love to the person who loves them. E kung ganoon sana ang setting, edi ang saya ko. But no. 

Fucking hell.

Walong taon. Eight years of unrequited love. Eight years na nasa sideline. God. I was miserable. For someone so miserable, I should be doing everything I can to forget him. Pero ganun na nga ata siguro. I think once you love someone, or something, it settles in your body and stays there forever. There just gets to be a point where you learn to live with the space it left there, where it stops being the wound that wouldn't heal. Maybe you never really get over things; you just learn to live with it. And I suppose I could do that, live with it, but that didn't mean that every part of me won't die every time I see him with Ate Max.

"Iha, what are you doing here? Come on, samahan mo ako. You haven't congratulated them." My mom's voice said, pulling me out of reverie and then ushering me to the center table where Migo and his family were sitting.

I gave him a small smile when we reached them because it was all I could offer. I was afraid that if I tried to smile some more, I would really break down and die here. Sayang naman 'tong party at pinagkagastusan pa naman.

Migo gave a curt nod. That was all. He didn't even look at me in the eyes but if his actions said anything, it was that he was sorry.

It was all there.

I'M SORRY I COULDN'T LOVE YOU BACK.

I'm sorry I'm in love with someone else.

I'm sorry I'm in love with your sister.

Lumapit ako sa tapos iniabot ko 'yung regalo ko sa kanya. I made it back when we were in high school it was when I realized in love pala ako sa kanya.I've been in love him for as long as I can remember, but that was the time na nag-sink in lang lahat. I know it's stupid of me to give that to him but I couldn't bear to throw it away. Siguro kung siya ang gagawa 'nun, mas okay. I just wanted him to have it at leas and he could do whatever sa jar na 'yun. He could throw it, hell; he could even ignore it and let the papers rot. That would be enough for me. Parang sampal at go signal na sa akin 'yun to face the reality. God knows I really need that.

He looked curiously at the glass jar once I handed it to him. I saw his eyes flickered with interest. It was probably because it was filled with paper stars; some were big and some were small. It looked very normal but may mga notes akong sinulat 'dun sa mga stars. And even if I gave it to him, I was confident he'd never find out what was written inside. After inspecting the jar, his gaze traveled to my face and muttered a word of gratitude. I managed to give him a small smile in response.

Migo tentatively threw his arms around me and held on for all it was worth. Napakayap din ako ng mahigpit. Now, it was truly dawning on me that I wouldn't be able to hold him like this anymore. It was time to really let go.

"Will you be okay?" He asked softly and his words sounded very sad.

I nodded my head. "I'm not a weakling you know. Makaka- move on din ako sa'yo. Don't put yourself in high regard." I said in an attempt to liven up the atmosphere. Jusko. Hindi lang pala ako pathetic, siraulo din pala.

I felt him laugh harshly. Like he was trying to hold whatever he was feeling at the moment. His arms tightened around me and that was when I knew it was time for me to pull away from his embrace.

"Congratulations on your engagement with Ate Carl."I choked out, every words coming out from me sounded as if they'd been ripped from my throat. "And welcome to the family."

=====

A/N

Not the end. Only the begginning.