I feel the darkness wrapping around me,
holding me close, not letting me go.
I hear the whispers in the distance telling me not to go,
not to go into the light. I try to run, I try to hide,
I can't do it. I can't hide, they're always there,
I can't run; they're always faster than me.
I try to find my way out;
I try to find a way to set myself free,
but my darkness keeps following me,
they keep telling me to come further into them,
to be sad all the time.
I can't go; I know if I go, I'll be lost forever.
I know if I go in there I lose myself and I won't be able to find her again.
I am tempted to just give in, just to stop everything.
When I go to do it, I stop from doing it.
I look at myself in the mirror and think:
I know I'm not beautiful, I know I'm fat,
I know I will never be perfect for anyone,
but do I have to do this? Do I have to end everything?
I go further with the blade and deeper into my arm; the sweet, dark,
red crimson comes bubbling up from the deep cut,
slipping down my wrist into a little puddle of blood,
I try to find the vein that is used to end the lives of others before me,
but I cannot find it, I go to slit my throat, but I cannot,
I cut open my thigh, the blood pours down my leg,
staining my socks.
I smile from the pain, laying back while I bleed.
I laugh, then I go numb, I look at my legs,
the blood has stopped,
though I keep smiling. Then I cannot feel my leg,
I feel nothing. I look at my cut, it's covered in dry blood,
I wash the blood off of my body, then go to stand,
I start to feel a little feeling, not much,
I still can move my toes.
I go to my bedroom,
putting on my black leggings and my oversized hoodie.
Than lay down. Why does life hurt?
Why does love hurt?
Why do we feel love when it only causes pain?
Do we really need to feel this pain?
