The Trans Runaway

I Think It's Time

When I got home they were waiting on the couch for me, They asked me to sit on the couch. As I sat down they began talking about me, saying that I need to stop wearing boy clothes to school and said that I should start being more feminine. I broke on the inside, Dressing like a girl is painful for me. After that I started wearing hoodies and skinny jeans, I didn't want to wear girly stuff. So I began to wear more gender-neutral clothes.

- A Week Later -

Me and my friends have been talking a lot about me coming out. And I plan to do it on Thursday and it's Tuesday today. I've already written the letter and I'm anxious to give it to them. Today me and Rebecca were preparing for the worst, I don't know how my parents will take this but I hope they take it well, I'm very hurt mentally because I'm in this body. It sucks to feel so low that you think about the end. I hope my parents understand. When I got home I copied the letter twice, so my parents can both read it at once. I kept the original copy just for the hell of it. I put them both in envelopes and put "Mother" on one and "Father" on the other. I began to listen to music, so I wouldn't over think the situation. After a while of listening to music I started to change into my pajamas. When I look in the mirror I see a boy, Except when the clothes are off. I began to stare at my outfit a little longer to savor the moment of me looking like a boy. I was wearing a red and black plaid button up shirt under my hoodie, with black skinny jeans, and black vans. I began to take off my shirt, only to see an ace bandage wrapped very tightly around my chest. I began to cry, thinking that I'll never be who I truly am.. I unbuttoned my pants and unzipped them and pulled them off. That made me cry even harder, I thought to myself that one day I'll have a packer and it'll be a little less harder to look down. I took off my socks and my "binder", and started shuffling through my dresser trying to find pajamas. I finally found some, it was a black tank top and blue and black plaid sweat pants. When I got dressed I walked into the living room and looked around for my family, I couldn't see anyone, so I scurried around the house looking for someone. When I got in the kitchen I looked on the counter next to the fridge and saw a note, it read, "You were in your room so we didn't want to bother you but we went out to dinner, want a doggy bag?" I grew very angry. I took the note and ripped it up and threw it on the ground. I'm sick and tired of being excluded from my family, but I'm used to it. I walked into the living room, turned on the TV and flopped on the couch. I fell asleep and was rudely awaken what felt like moments later, "Kaci. Kaci! Jeez wake up already!" my eyes started opening, I saw my sister Emily standing over me and shaking me. "Damn Kaci, wake up. We got some food for you" Emily said while rolling her eyes. I sat up and started rubbing my eyes so I could see more clearly. I stood up and walked towards the kitchen table where my food was and sat down. "Where's mom and dad?" Emily replied with a bored tone "On the way back, they were taking too long to pay so I took your food and left." I started to laugh and said, "Next time when you guys get food tell me, I wanted to go." Emily walked to her door and said, "Mkay." and went in her room. I opened the bag of food and took out the black container that said, Reggie's Food Garden, I saw what they got me and put a mad face on. I got the hint, that they want me skinnier, I can smell the disgusting Caesar salad through the tray. I began to laugh and shove the salad in my mouth, I was way too hungry to not eat it. Slam! Slam! I heard my parents car doors closing and I hopped up out of my seat and bolted to the door to unlock it. "Heyyy." I said as I began to open the door. "Hey Kace." mom and dad said in unison. Mom asked, "Like your salad Kace?" I lied and said, "Yeah, it's great." I hopped over to my food and started eating it again. When I finished I threw the container and bag away and went into my room. That night all I did was play on my phone, I got a little bit of sleep. When I woke up I could feel my heart beat very hard, all I could think about was tomorrow. Every heart beat was painful, My stomach was swirling too. I began to get ready for school I jumped in the shower and when I got out I started to brush my hair, Ugh it was tangled like crazy. I don't even understand how hair this short can get tangled but it's whatever. When I was done brushing my hair, I went into my room and shuffled through my closet looking for my hoodie, but then I realized it was on the coat hanger on my wall next to my bedroom door, I face palmed and quickly put on my binder, this is the hardest part, my binder is just an ace bandage. I quickly wrapped the ace bandage around my chest very tightly, I can't really breath very well with it on but that's okay, it makes me happy. Then I quickly scrambled around my room and put on my hoodie, a black pair of skinny jeans, red and black socks, and my black and white converse. I ran out of my room and towards the kitchen and snatched my lunch off the table and stuffed it in my lunch box and dashed out the door. I waited outside for about 2 minutes for my bus but I got outside just in time to catch it. While I was on the bus all I could think about was how much I hated riding this bus, everyone was loud and obnoxious, they don't care how loud they're being or who hears what they say. I get pissed off every time I ride this stupid bus.