Sam the Assassin(s)

Chapter 2

[**Samuel’s POV**]

I wanna bang a D-Cup

So frickin’ bad

Touch all the tits I never have

Uh, I wanna be a subscriber of Playboy Magazine

Standing next Heff and Barbie

I blushed, a deep crimson colour, and grabbed my iPhone out of my pocket. My dad, 52 and balding, scowled at me. His face scrunched up in disgust and regret. Hastily, I rejected the call. I was going to kill Trevor later. He knew I had this meeting today.

Looking at the floor, I stashed my phone into my pocket. I was really going to get it. The woman next to dad scoffed. Not woman, but mum. I must call her mum.

“See, boo? I really do think you should just hand over the estate to my Trevor. I’m sure he doesn’t have such an obscene ringtone.” mum said in a lilting tone. She started rubbing her hand on his arm.

Yes, you heard right. Trevor is also my half brother and the one who put the song as my ringtone. His – no my – mum wanted him to inherit dad’s million dollar estate. Dad however wasn’t too keen on that idea.

“You know” said dad, glaring at me “I’m starting to feel the same way honey”

I stand corrected.

“Boo, you know I’m right” cooed Mum, stroking his wrinkling face with her long baby pink nails.

Trevor was starting to take over my life. My maid even volunteered to cross over to him, but that was only because she got certain...privileges.

“My honey is always right.” replied Dad smiling fondly at his 26 year old wife.

Gold digger. I’ll bet she’ll dump his sorry ass as soon as he puts Trevor in charge.

“Mhhhmmmmm, that I am boo. Don’t you know it!” she said, making her voice go all husky.

God, are they going to make out right in front of me?

“Yes. That I do.” dad smarmed.

I’ll take that as a yes. I cleared my throat loudly; I didn’t want to be there when they were in full make out mode.

 "You are excused Samuel" my father said, his voice thick.

I nodded and walked out of the meeting room, into the third floor corridor. I couldn't believe that Trevor called me then, he knew I would get in trouble. I was so going to kill him. 

Smiling, I made my way to my wing of the house. I imagined all the ways of killing Trev. Stoning him, hanging him, pushing him in front of a police car -

"Sammy! Sammy! Guess what?" asked a sing-song voice. 

I turned around smiling, to face my 4 year old sister Summer. She was grinning up at me, her blonde curls waving around her face, as she jumped up and down.

"What is it Summ?" I asked. She always made me smile.

"You - you know M.W.C? She gave me an apple!" Summer exclaimed her eyes widened in shock. M.W.C was Claire - no mum - I meant mum. Summer came up with the name herself, it meant "Meany-weany Claire" but we shortened it, so Cla- mum wouldn’t find out. But one day we slipped up and said it in front of her. Claire jumped to the conclusion that it meant something "offensive, which was totally something that Samuel, would do". Dad had asked me what it meant and Mum looked at me inquiringly. Yet Summ had come to the rescue. I can still remember the innocent look on her face as she said "It means, 'My Wuvley Claire".  My sly little sister.

"That’s good, isn't it?" I asked. She should be happy, Summer loved apples.

"No, no no!" she said, shaking her head furiously. "It's really, really bad 'cause it was a red apple! A big, shiny red apple. And, you know, them big, shiny red apples are really bad. 'Cause that’s the one Snow White got! And she got deaded!"  

I held back a laugh. Summer's face was filled with shock. I'm guessing she thought she was going to be "deaded" too.

"Oh, yes! How could I forget? Are you okay?" I asked, in mock concern.

Summer sighed dramatically. 

"Yeah, I think so. I got Nanny Clemmy to give it to the meanie guard dog. He bit my Barbie so I don’t mind if he gets deaded. That was my favouritest Barbie you know. Maybe the 'killing apple' will make my Barbie come to life....but that means I need a prince to kiss the deaded doggy. I don't have a prince." her eyes flashed as she got an idea.

"Sammy? Will you be the price? You just have to kiss deaded doggy once and I promise doggy won’t slobber on you. 'Cause doggy will be deaded right?" She asked, her eyes pleading. 

I am not kissing a deaded - dead dog. 

"I'm sure -"

I wanna bang a D-Cup

So frickin’ bad

Touch all the tits I never have

I quickly answered the call. It was Trevor.

"What's up Gypsy-Boy?" Trevor asked, mockingly. 

"You're supposed to keep that on the down low." I sighed. "What's up anyway?"

"You're new maid. She's in your room, bruv. You got quite a dank one" I could practically hear Trevor wiggling his eyebrows.

"I'll be right down" I replied, cutting the call.

I felt a tug at my jeans. 

"Will you kiss deaded doggy then, Sammy?" Summer asked. Damn those puppy-dog eyes.

"I'll tell Trevor to do it, he's much more handsome than me" I said smiling evilly. Revenge, bitch.

Summer's whole face lit up and tears of happiness practically spilt from her big blue eyes. 

"You're the bestest everest big brother" she said, hugging my legs. Then she let go and ran through the corridor. I smiled and had walked all but 3 steps when she turned around. 

"I'll give you my blow up hammer, Sammy!" she said smiling at me.

"What?" I asked, confused. I don't need a hammer, do I?

"How else are you gunna 'bang a D-Cup" then?"