The Suicide

Caysie Ley-Ann Johnson

            Joan Crawford for Pearl Johnson
 

          Blake Lively for Jessica Newtin

           

      ________________________________________
" All I did was go to a friends house. But I guess I can't do that either" Caysie said to her mother. " Well I didn't know so now your grounded" Pearl Johnson said. She mumbled under her breath "You little bitch" loud enough for Caysie to hear.

       I always get yelled at. It doesn't matter what I do.....I can never please her....... I went to my bedroom and and got my razor blade and I pulled my sleeve up and drew the words 'unpleased' in my arm. It was gushing out blood really bad . I went back to my room with the first aid kit and cleaned the wound up. I used some alcohol to cleanse it.........then I put a band aid on it and slid my sleeve back down. Then I went to the kitchen and got some food..…...then said "love you mom " I managed to slip out. "Yeah yeah, whatever" Pearl said.

        I then went to my room and packed my backpack...... Then climbed out my window and went to Jessica's house and told her everything and showed her the cut. She said I need to go to the hospital but I told her no.
 
         " Caysie this is really bad and you need some help," Jessica stated loudly. "No, if I go they will put me in first step again and I'm not going back there.....you can forget about it," I yelled. "I'm just gonna go get us some water and doritos" Jessica said."I'm coming with you jess, I don't want to stay up here alone" I told her truthfully.

            ****************************
         I was so thirsty I can drink three gallons of water.... But I wasn't going to tell Jessica that. My wound was hurting so bad .......... I went to the bathroom and looked at it. It was still bleeding just a little bit. So I wiped it off with a baby wipe and pulled my sleeve back down. Then I met her in the kitchen with our diet cola.

          ******************************
   
      My mom went up to apologize to me for her bad attitude and saw the note that I left on my dresser ......it said "bye, I obviously am not loved so I'm gonna make you happier and leave you in peace". My mom hit the floor and started crying her eyes out. She yelled out " whyyyy, why did I have to treat her so badly". But I knew I would come back and see her once more.

      Jessica explained to me last night that I need to go back and apologize to my mum for leaving. I feel like it would be the right thing to do but not the easiest thing to do. I hate making my own decisions and it messes with my head to not know if I'm doing the right thing or not.

       So I gave in and went back home to apologize for leaving and I found my mom laying in the bathroom floor with her mouth wide open and her eyes wide open and she was still and pale .
      

        I hurried to the phone and called the ambulance and they showed up and got her on the riser and rushed her there.

       As they left I grabbed the keys and was right behind them and when I made it there they told me that she took 60 morphine and 40 hydro-codone and that she was going to be lucky to live .

        I called jessica and told her to hurry up and come to the hospital.

        *********************************

        "Oh my god, what the hell is going on?!!?," She shouted. "My mom just had a really bad overdose," I explained "they said she will be lucky to live through this."
 
       " I'm so sorry Caysie, this sucks but it's a good time that you went home earlier than you wanted too." She said trying to cheer me up because I was crying my eyes out.

       "I know, but she is in a coma now, I would not have left at all," Caysie then explained. "Why, why does this have to happen to me God!?" Caysie yelled aloud.

        "It's going to be fine Cass" said Jessica. "No it's not. She is not fucking breathing. My mom. Not breathing. Is not fine!" I screamed disturbing the nurses.

      There I was. Sitting in the waiting room. Waiting for the nurses to give me an update on my mom. It's very painful knowing that my mom is this hurt. The nurse is walking towards me. She stopped in front of me and said " Miss. Johnson?"

        "Yes, that's me." I said. "Your mother passed away."

         I just broke down crying and couldn't stop the hurt I was feeling inside my body. I hurt so bad even though I know crying isn't gonna help. But knowing that my mom died because of me hurts me even worse. I hated myself for this.

        I went to Jessica's house and let her know. She held me in her arms and started crying with me. Pearl was like her second mom most of the time.

        It was all so emotional. Emotions we're everywhere. But I'm gonna skip school for a couple of days. Go back next Monday.

       

************************************

         Have fun reading my book to the few who are reading it. I LOVE Y'ALL SO MUCH..PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT WHAT YOU THINK. And before I actually start getting into this book. No spoilers. Or rude comments. Please and thanks ya