What You Know Is True

Chapter Eleven

I don’t know what Louie said to Mama, but she wasn’t as pissed off as I thought she’d be when I got home. At the most, she threatened to have me live with my Dad and let him handle me if I couldn’t pull myself together. Like he could’ve done any better. Even when they were together, Mama was the one to do all the disciplining.

            After her scolding she went into her office. I heard her talking on the phone, but I don’t know to whom or what about. Most likely it was about me, but I didn’t care too much. I wasn’t going to stress over it.

            I decided to look for the book again. I ended up cleaning my entire room and it was nowhere in there. I wanted to try Louie again, so I waited till later when Mama would be asleep.

x x x x

My phone read 12:40 am. Mama went to bed 2 hours ago.

            I didn’t charge my way in this time.  I felt more relaxed, but still a little edgy. I knocked on his door and after awhile he groggy said, “Come in.”

            He must’ve thought I was Mama, because he sat straight up in bed when he saw it was me. I closed the door softly and leaned against it. “Chill. I’m not gonna touch you. I want to talk.”

            For the first time Louie’s face was blank as he stared at me. The moonlight coming in from the window created an eerie glow on his face. I could see his shoulders were tensed and his hands were knotted in his lap.

            I always lost my anger too fast. I wouldn’t do that this time. “I need the book, Louie. It’s important.  You might think it’s childish but –“

            “I don’t have it,” he interrupted quietly.  I couldn’t understand why he was lying, why he couldn’t just give it to me.

            “Stop lying. You were never good at it.”

            “I got it from Josee, but I guess she was better at it than me,” he said. “Or maybe not.”

            “Why is everything suddenly about her?” I struggled to keep my voice down, but the agitation was already starting to get to me. “Do you hate her or something?”

            “I do hate her! I hate what she did to you.” My muscles tightened as the temperature suddenly became hotter. My head was urging me to leave, to block out what Louie was saying. I pushed the sickening feeling away and tried to breathe. I wouldn’t walk away. I was gonna figure this all out tonight.

            “It’s just kid’s stuff,” I said. “She didn’t favorite me more than you.”

            “She did.”

            “Okay, so she did. Fine. Are you seriously jealous? Are you kidding me right now?”

            His staring got to the point where I couldn’t look at him. For once it was me who looked away. “You should ask yourself that. Do you really not remember? Or is it you just don’t want to?” he asked, voice getting more strained with each word. “I know, Dallas. I’ve always known what she’s done.”

            A throb began in my head, and I could see the edges of a memory forming, but I closed my eyes and pushed it far back. I rubbed the bridge of my nose and began laughing, soft at first, but then it became louder, and there was a small joy in me from it. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. You’re the one making up lies –“

            “You’re the one lying to yourself!”

            “Just like how you’re always lying about eating and not starving yourself? I guess your method isn’t working out since you still look the same.”