...He was staring straight into my eyes and he seemed like he wanted to say something. I thought to myself what in the world is he doing? I suddenly felt my cheeks grow warm and my chest tighten. Then he leaned down next to me and whispered in my ear.
"Look up."
I raise my head up and notice small, delicate snowflakes fluttering down and softly falling at our feet. One brushed against my cheek and seemed to calm my blushing. I looked at Brett and smiled as he stared up at the grey sky and then spoke softly once again.
" Come on let's keep going." He then reached for the car door and opened it for me. I nodded and got back in and started the car as he got in.
The snow was falling harder when we reached our spot. The lake still seemed to shine despite the weather and it was absolutely breathtaking. We walked over to three trees that were aligned next to each other and I flopped down onto the ground where no snow had touched yet due to the branches above. I closed my eyes as Brett sat down and we were silent for a while.
"Jade. What are we going to do after tomorrow? You know...because we are going to different colleges and all..."
I felt chills go down my spine and not because of the cold. " Well we'll be visiting each other right? It shouldn't be so horrible. It's not like we'll be in different states." I started to shake and my voice had cracked.
"That isn't what I want Jade..."
"Then what do you want Brett?", I said opening my eyes and turning to him. " We are going to be apart for some time and yeah it's going to suck but it's us. We haven't faded away from each other before and we won't now."
"...Jade."
"Brett...I don't want to talk about this. We've had this conversation hundreds of times before and I just think-"
"You never wanted to talk about it...even though it's important to me. I wanted to talk about it because-"
"You wanted to persuade me to not go."
He turned away from me and he clenched his fists. He sighed and hung his head low.
"I don't want you to leave."
"I know that Brett I just think it would be better for us."
"What do you mean...?" He slightly turned his head but not enough for me to see his face. I then mentally prepared myself for something I never wanted to say.
"Well for example you could get to know more people. Make new friends and acquaintances. And when is the last time you ever showed an interest in someone? The last person you liked was back in middle school. You've never had a relationship before and wouldn't it be amazing to have your own girl without me around? Then no one would assume we're together all the time. Plus you wouldn't have to deal with your best friend around all the time. Bugging you and interrupting you and your time when you have things to do."
Brett then stood up with his back turned to me. He brushed himself off and starting walking towards the car. A huge wave of pain washed over me and I wanted to die on the spot. I couldn't tell him the truth because I knew it wouldn't work. I knew I couldn't have him. I knew he would find someone else to fill my place. I knew...that I just wasn't good enough.
He stopped halfway between me and the car and said something that made me feel worse than before.
"You are oblivious to how I feel. I don't need new friends. I have you. I don't want to know more people. I have showed an interest in someone but they will obviously never feel the same. I never had a relationship because I've been mesmerized by someone I won't have. I cherished the fact that people thought we were together. I want to deal with you. But obviously you don't want to deal with me. I want you to bug me. I want to stop what I'm doing because you text me or call me. I want to devote my time to you. Because you're important Jade. You're important to me."
