Moment in Time, book 1 of the Summer House Series

Chapter Eleven

Copyright 2015 Lisa Mondello (All Rights Reserved)

Chapter Eleven

Jenna

Time has a way of standing still when you want it move, a way of speeding by when you want to hold onto something so dear. I spent the night sleeping next to Bobby and thinking about Gabby. What I wouldn't do to have my little girl back. For those few precious months that she'd grown inside of me and was mine, she'd given me comfort like nothing else ever had in my life.

Darkness envelopes me in a way that has nothing to do with a light bulb or the sun shining. I can't get away from the darkness I feel. It's as deadly as the cancer that threatens me. "I don't want you to be around, Bobby," I say into the darkness.

"When? Around when? Tomorrow?" he asks, crushing me against his chest.

"When I die."

He squeezes me tighter and I wish I could just melt into him. I want us to become one like we are when we're making love.

Downstairs I can hear Heather screeching about something. Penny is trying to calm her down in that soothing way she always does when Heather is off the wall. Lily is already in the shower, getting ready for the breakfast shift at the restaurant. I know this because I hear her sweet singing in the bathroom across the hall. She's probably dancing in the shower. She always dances.

With the rise and fall of my chest as I sigh, Bobby hooks me around my waist and pulls me closer.

"That's not going to happen for a long time," he says. "You'll be an old lady and have watched many sunrises as you walk that beach out there, Jenna. You're not dying."

I want to believe him. But even he knows he's lying to himself. I press a finger beneath my eye to lessen the sting of tears. "You don't know that. No one knows that."

"You're not going to die, dammit," Bobby says, as if he's trying to convince himself that it's true, that I don't have cancer and we never have to leave this moment when I'm in his arms and feel safe.

"I don't want you to see me...the way I was. The way I could be again."

He breathes deeply and I feel the rise and fall of his chest against my body. I swear I can hear his heart beating even though my ear isn't against his chest like it was earlier. I love to listen to this man's strong, steady heartbeat.

"What are you asking of me?"

"If it's cancer, if the doctor tells me I have to go back into treatment, you need to leave and not look back."

He shakes his head. "That's not happening."

"Bobby—" I start to protest, but he stops me.

"If I leave you, it'll kill me. If I lose you... It's not going to matter anymore. I can't go through that again. So it's not happening."

I realize he's not talking about just leaving me to deal with this illness all by myself like Jared did. He's talking about my death, something I have tried for two years to pretend wasn't going to happen. And the pain he feels isn't just for me. It's for Donna and Wyatt.

"You know, Bobby, it's inevitable."

"I don't want to hear—"

"Not my death. Us. We're going to end," I say, drowning out his protest. "You're going back into the military and I'm going to college. And if not college, then...whatever life has in store for me if this lump is anything to worry about. But the ending...we sort of knew that, didn't we?"