I stared in my mirror in shock. My mother implied about cutting my hair but not this way; I hated it.
The image of myself burned in my mind as I slouched in my desk. School was the last thing in my mind right now. Even though I'm physically here; my mind is beyond from present.
"Crystal?"
I snapped back into reality; I found myself blushing horribly with the teacher giving me a stern expression.
My mind switched to panic! Mode.
There were 2 possible outcomes right now. One, the teacher could have just said my name and then returned to teaching. Or two, he could ask me a question similar to the topic he was just talking about. I really hope the first outcome happens.
"Please focus. You look like your staring off to space," he snapped.
I was on the verge of passing out.
Please don't mention anymore you idiot. You don't understand me.
Nobody really understood me. My mom didn't, my dad kind of understood, but everyone else was completely clueless. My best friend made fun of me for not being able to talk to an employee at Target. It's harder for me than for everyone else.
I get sweaty, my words stutter, I repeat what I'm going to say in my head beforehand. Sometimes I even try to get someone to come with me, and try all the possible choices before actually speaking.
Basically; I try every way to get myself out of it before I am left with nothing but to just- face my fear.
Everyone thinks anxiety is...cute.
Bahahahaha- you think it's cute? Here, you can have mine.
Not being able to go to the bathroom alone in public places, not being able to talk to strangers, not being able to make full eye contact, not being able to eat in public, not being able to make full understandable conversations, not being able to express real true feelings- is cute? I can't even make friends because of it. I have a couple- but they never stay with me. I'm too awkward and far to shy. It's ruined my life.
That's not cute, adorable, or attractive.
That's sad, depressing, and miserable.
But I can't tell anyone- because I have anxiety.
******
