More Than A Friend.

Found

Haley's POV:

He found out. I start to panic. How did he find out? I shouldn't have let this happen. How did this even happen? This isn't good. Now all I know is I have to run. I can't see Issa like this. I probably hurt him so much. I can't go back to him, not now. I hurt him and that's all I'm capable of doing. I'm useless. He probably doesn't even care that I'm gone I bet. He isn't even looking for me right now, I don't hear or see anybody and I didn't get too far yet. He probably made a good decision, not coming after me. I deserve to die. All I've done so far is hurt him, he deserves better. I start to slow down as I feel my breathing get more rapid and my lungs start to burn. Wow, it is really cold out here. Now that I think about it I probably should have grabbed my shirt and put it back on. I sit down to take a breather and when I look up I see I am in front of a forest. I wonder if I should go in. Nobody would find me in there and I might even get what I want, death. While I'm thinking I see the headlights of a car approaching and know that I have to act fast. I take a deep breath and swallow my fear as I sprint and roll into the forest. Soon I hear another car driving down the road and somebody screaming my name. I am about to go deeper into the forest but then everything goes black.

Suddenly I'm very, very cold. I shiver as I stand up, realizing I still have no shirt on. Why am I outside in this weather? Last thing I remember I was packing with Issa to go back to his place and..... oh. I remember now. But, why did I pass out? My head is pounding and I feel stinging in the back. This is the worst headache I've ever had. I hesitantly reach my hand to the back of my head and feel it. I wince when I feel a sharp stinging and I quickly pull my hand away. It is really sticky, I look to barely see a deep red color that was only visible due to the dim reflection of the nearby street lights. I must've hit my head really hard when I rolled into here. I'm honestly a little scared, but at the same time I'm not at all. I know my way around and I wanted this. I want this. I take a quick look at my surroundings and realize it is time for me to make a decision. Do I stay out here for a while and go back to Issa at some point? Do I wander a little more and live in the wilderness of PA? Do I just run? Or maybe I should start a new life, I mean, that's what I wanted, heck, that's what I still want. I could just run now, find a job, get a new house and meet new people and start a new family. I honestly don't know what my next move is going to be. I stop for a second. Is this really worth it? All Issa did was find out about my self harm, am I really going to restart just because of that? People do this all the time, I'd just have to deal with guilt and him looking out for me. It isn't even that huge. But at the same time, I do feel like I need a fresh start. All I ever do is hurt Issa, it's all I've ever done from the beginning. I also know that this whole thing isn't just about the self harm. It is about Rudan. I just want to forget about that. I want to forget about him, to leave all of that in the past. I know that I'll never truly forget, but I feel like I do need to restart. Move on and get a new life where I will never have to think about that ever again. But deep down I know that won't help. I can never forget that, and it has shaped me in a way, made me who I am, even if it isn't great, it is me, and it is better to just be me than to completely restart and live a completely different life that was not cut out to be mine. I take a deep breath and realize that I have to go back to Issa. I have to accept that this is my reality and that he now knows the true, dark, horrible side of me. I have to accept the fact that he might never treat me the same and will always be trying to help me. I know I should be grateful for his help and the fact that he shows he cares, but I just wish he wouldn't want to help. I can make it okay on my own, he is more important. He has his own problems to deal with and he should take care of himself before worrying about me. I hate to be such a burden in people's lives, which is part of the reason this self hatred started (aside from Rudan). I decide that I will stay out here for the night and go back to Issa tomorrow morning to deal with everything. Suddenly I hear a branch crack. I turn my head and let out a sigh of relief when I don't see anything, but I know I thought too soon when I hear a quiet gasp behind me.