I feel bad about having friends?

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Ok. Some of you may hate me because I didn't work on my other books like this one. I kinda feel bad about having friends.... I know it might sound weird but hear me out I have this one friend and she's awesome but I feel I maybe talk to her too much and I don't want to waste your time on my stupid stuff. I feel like I might lost her and I have lose some friends before because of not talking to them .....but I never had a way to talk to them anyway so I couldn't talk to them even if I wanted to.....so why do I feel so upset about losing her? I don't know I just don't like losing people  I lost so many friends because I didn't talk to them or they got lost in time. I had good friends before but they disappeared out  of my life and I was  left in a world of hate all by myself no one to talk to waiting for someone to be my friend. Every time I made a friend they disappeared in to the world of hate leaving me again I feel like the friends I have now will do the  same and leave me like the others. I have one awesome friend that I will try my best not to lost I talk to her everyday but I feel like I should stop but I don't want to lose her. I feel so bad that I feel like this I feel....like I'm stopping her for some reason. I don't know what to do.....I want to cry so badly....but I need to be strong! I really hope I'm not stopping her from something. I don't want to be alone again......haft my life I was alone I don't want the rest of my life to be like that. I justed want a friend......a really good friend .....is that too much to ask for? I want someone that would understand me for me and love everything I love. God that sounds weird......I think I should stop talking......so yeah bye for now! Picture of my best friend I was talking about on the top of the page

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