Niall The Bread

The Perfect Batch

Early Sunday morning, Harry was walking to his car so he could get to the bakery where he works at. He was running a bit late. Waking up at 7:40 instead of 7:30 made a big difference for Harry, he needed those ten minutes to laboriously brush his chocolaty mop of curls.

Harry made it just on time and started doing his daily routine. He got out all of the ingredients necessary to make the dough. He put his expertly carved bread into the oven. As Harry waited he went on his Instagram. He wanted to post a picture but there was nothing good enough for his black and white color scheme. Instead he went on Twitter and thought of a quote from a book he'd read that made no sense and tweeted it. People pretended to actually understand what his posts on social media meant.

The oven's timer rang signaling that it was time to take out the bread but Harry was too distracted with his Twitter feed to notice. When he finally set his phone down and saw the smoke coming from the oven he quickly took the bread out.

He expected to see charred bread, but was surprised when instead it was just the perfect golden. Harry was a professional bread maker (he had even won Mr. Loaf last year at the town fair), yet he'd never made something so immaculately perfect in his entire career of bread making.

Something is definitely off about this batch, Harry thought. His deduction proved to be even more true when a pair of blue orbs were looking straight at him. They blinked. Harry was discombobulated, he didn't know what to do. Should he scream? Should he kill the loaf? This was the most thought he'd put into something since Friday when deciding which filter to use for his Ig photo.

Before he could decide on what to do the bread grew what looked to be a nose and a mouth.

"Food." The blue eyed loaf said in an Irish accent.

Harry was sure his mum had slipped something in his coffee. This could not be real.

Hair started to grow on the piece of bread. Short blond locks. Harry took some time examining the bread. If you could get past the fact that he's a loaf of bread, he looks like a normal guy, He thought.

"Niall." The loaf spoke.

"What?"

"Niall." The loaf spoke once again.

"Nail?"

"Niall."

"Neil?"

"Niall." The loaf was getting irritated with Harry.

"Nigel?"

"Okay listen up you dumb fuck, my name is Niall and I've been summoned from Wheatown to tell you that a great evil is coming to Holmes Chapel. I'm here to help you defeat this foe and also because the Duke of Flour said I'd get an increase in my salary." Two little arms and legs popped up lastly on the loaf's square body.

Niall stood up on the metal counter, his tiny hands on his sides.

"What great evil? What are you talking about?" Nothing ever really happened in Harry's hometown so it was hard for him to believe that something bad was coming.

Niall didn't like Harry, mostly because he reminded him of his ex-loafriend–asking too many questions–but also because of the way he eyed Niall up and down, sure he was a piece of bread but that didn't make him feel any less violated. "I don't know yet, but that's why I'm here. Together we can defeat this evil that the Duke of Flour speaks of."

"But I don't want to defeat this evil."

"What?"

"I said I don't wan-"

"I heard you the first time, okay?" Niall put his hands on the bridge of his nose, "Listen up Harry, I don't have time for your dumb shit, alright? I got my own mouth to feed. Believe me, I would much rather be at home watching Two and a Half Toast reruns, but I'm stuck here with you until we defeat this evil."

"How do you know my name?" Harry seemed to have focused more on the first part of Niall's little speech.

"Oh, your name tag." Niall pointed at Harry's chest, where the tag was.

"Oh,"

"But that's not the point!" Niall remembered what he was here for. "Before we defeat this evil there is something we should do."

"And what is that?"

Niall hopped on Harry's shoulder and sat down. "Eat,"

Before heading out Harry screamed, "I'm taking the day off Barbara! We're going to defeat the evil!"

And so the boys trotted down the streets of Holmes Chapel looking for a place to eat.

-

I'm so disappointed in myself.

Credit to harryspad on Instagram for the idea.