Esteban (Dark Paradise)

CHAPTER 7

"Are you sure you don't want to come with me, see me off?" Esteban said.

We were sitting in my kitchen, drinking coffee as the sun streamed in through the windows. He had just set down his empty mug and was getting out of his seat, making all the big motions that he was about to leave.

Leaving me alone.

I took a sip of the Kona brew and shook my head. I wasn't afraid anymore—not of that. I believed Esteban when he said he'd take care of everything. He'd spent the whole night making sure there wasn't a trace of the incident, while I spent the whole night cowering in a state of shock. I definitely was still in shock, but I was coming around in ways I hadn't anticipated.

I don't know what he did with the body, or where he went for several hours in the dark of night, but I knew a man like him made no mistakes. He was the smart one, the good one.

He'd saved my life again, even if he was the one who invited danger in.

But then again, I was the one who had beckoned the danger the moment I stepped on the plane to Kauai. I had wanted nothing but oblivion, a place beyond death. Black space, dark shadows. I flirted with death so many times, from a mere handshake to full-on penetration. I wanted change in the most dramatic way; I wanted death to take me from my meager, loveless existence.

Until I realized that my existence never had to be empty.

Love was still out there, as were hopes and dreams and everything else I pretended I no longer wanted. Esteban opened my eyes, and he did so by showing me death, the devastating permanence of it. He dealt with death every day in his job, and here I was pretending I knew something about it. Pretending that death was a choice I wanted. It shouldn't have been anyone's choice. Not the choice of the man who tried to kill me, not Esteban's. Not mine.

In the few days I'd known Esteban, he'd schooled me on what life was, and more importantly, what life could be.

Light.

Colors.

Paradise.

I slowly got out of my chair, not wanting to say good-bye. I knew I'd never see him again. He had my painting of golden seas to remind him of me.

I had nothing.

"Lani," he said gently, his eyes swimming with compassion. He pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me tightly. We held each other for as long as we could. Shallow, silly parts of me wanted to beg to go with him back to Mexico, to be a part of his life. But we knew our lives weren't meant to intertwine that way. They were meant to meld for a sweet moment, nothing more.

He pulled away and kissed me softly on the forehead. "You're valuable," he said as he placed a cold green jade stone in my hands. "Keep painting."

Then he turned and walked away. With my heart prickling, I heard him get on his motorcycle. The familiar roar filled my ears and then he was gone, the sound fading into the bird calls of midmorning.

I sighed, my chest feeling like an anvil had been placed on it. I squeezed the jade in my hand, knowing I'd never let it go. Slowly I turned and went to the back steps and sat down, staring at the paradise in front of me. The chickens pecked at the grass, not caring about my presence. They just . . . carried on.

And that was when I realized that Esteban hadn't left me with nothing. I gave him a painting, but he gave me everything.

I fished my phone out of my pocket and dialed Doug.

I dialed home.

Doug picked up on the second ring.

"Honey?" I said into the phone, my voice soft. Tears were threatening my eyes, my lungs were starting to feel choked, aching for release.

There was a long pause. Finally Doug said, "Lani? What's wrong?"

I couldn't help it. I hadn't heard concern in his voice for as long as I could remember. It was enough to open the floodgates. I cried, tears streaming down my face, and just bawled, everything flowing out of me, my tears taking me to another place.

"Doug, baby," I finally managed to say, gulping hard for air, my lungs screaming. "Doug, I want to come home. I want to live."

There was more silence, maybe just to let me sob, maybe to gather his thoughts and figure out what to say. Then Doug said something I didn't think he would.

"I want you to live, too. I love you."

The tears continued to come.

So much grief, so much sadness, so much betrayal, so much guilt. So much in my life had gone terribly wrong.

And yet there was so much hope.

And value in my hands.

THE END

Thank you for reading Esteban (Dark Paradise). If you want more of Esteban (though prepare to be surprised), please check out my Dirty Angels series: Dirty Angels, Dirty Deeds & Dirty Promises, available at all e-retailers. PS - Dirty Angels is FREE.