It's not better off this way (Gerard Way)

Why now?

*Two Years Later*

I woke to the sound of a baby crying. I looked at the clock and saw it was five in the morning. I stood up and walked across the room to where my baby was. I looked down at him and smiled before picking him up and walking to the kitchen. I set him down at my feet and grabbed the oatmeal from the cabinet walking over to the sink. I felt something bump into me and I looked down at my baby sitting on the ground. He looked up at me and smiled, laughing. I giggled, too. He was so adorable. At the sound of laughter Bumper, our dog, ran into the kitchen. Jacob smiled as Bumper licked him. I walked to the microwave and heated the oatmeal up for him. Waiting for it I made myself some coffee and poured a glass. As I sipped the coffee I watched Bumper and Jacob play around the kitchen. The microwave beeped making both Jacob and Bumper look up expecting food. I rolled my eyes and grabbed Jacob putting him in his highchair. I grabbed the oatmeal and feed it to him. After that I gave him a bath and feed Bumper. At about ten I put Jacob down for a nap and got ready. I put my black skinnies on with my red shirt. I slipped my Converse on and applied mascara, foundation, and eyeliner. I glanced at my reflection, then at the clock which read 1:30 and woke Jacob up. "Jacob, buddy, wake up. Wanna go to the park?" he lifted his head up and rubbed his eyes. He nodded his head tiredly. I put him in his stroller and grabbed Buster and his leash, heading out the front door of the same apartment Gerard lived in with me. I miss him, a lot. I pushed him to the back of my mind as we made our way to the park.

*After the Park, At Home*

I heated up some raviolis up for Jacob and feed Bumper again. I made myself a sandwich and sat down eating and feeding Jacob. After dinner I let Jacob and Bumper watch a movie. They were so adorable. I cleaned up the kitchen and was about to sit down when there was a knock on the door. "Coming!" I yelled and opened the door. I stood there for a second in utter disbelief. "Hey, Gen." he said casually. I was shocked and did something I probably shouldn't have, I slapped him. He winced a little then said, "I deserved that." and smiled. He fucking smiled at me. "How could you do that?" I asked in more of a whisper that a regular voice. "Mama?" a voice behind me asked I turned around to see Jacob and Buster standing there looking at me. Buster started to growl at Gerard. I picked Jacob up and told Buster to go into the living room. I turned back to Gerard who was eyeing Jacob. "Who's this little guy?" he asked "This is Jacob. Say hi, Jacob. Don't be shy, baby." I answered talking to Jacob. He hid his face in my neck and cuddled up to me. "He's quite shy, sorry." I said "It's fine. Who's is he?" he asked. Boy, he sure was asking a lot of questions. "Oh...uh, he's yours." I said awkwardly. Gerard's mouth dropped and he looked from me to Jacob. "I would have told you sooner, actually I was going to tell you the day you moved out without a single explanation as to why. Now, not to be rude, but what do you want?" I said with a hint of bitterness in my voice. He had closed his mouth by now and just stared at me. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry, Gen. I didn't know." he said finally "Well odviously." I said. "I just wanted to explain to you why I left. May I come in?" he asked. I stepped aside with Jacob in my hands and he walked in. "This place hasn't changed much." he said. "I couldn't afford to change it." I murmured, but I think he heard. Oops, sorrynotsorry. We sat down on the couch and I let Jacob down to play with Buster. "I left because I didn't want to hold you back. You were always talking about your dreams and stuff and I thought I was the one causing you not to pursue them. I didn't know you were pregnant, I'm sorry." he looked at Jacob running around being chased by Buster and smiled. I realized he meant he was sorry, but that didn't mean I was ready to forgive him. "Gerard, if someone spends seven years with you, I'm pretty sure that you aren't holding them back from their dreams. Even if you are, doesn't mean they don't not want you around. That was my sacrifice, I didn't go to college for acting cause that would mean moving away from you. Your sacrifice was that you had to buy an apartment for us to live in, which you spent all your money on." I finished and realized I was crying a little. "Mama." Jacob said while holding his hands out to me. I picked him up and sat him on my lap. He cuddled up to me and closed his eyes, he was tired. I got up to put him to bed and heard footsteps behind me. I knew Gerard had followed me into my room. I laid Jacob, who was more than half asleep, down in his crib and stood there for a minute watching his chest rise and fall as he was falling asleep. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Gerard next to me staring at Jacob too. I looked at Gerard and pointed to the door then put my index finger to my mouth telling him to be quite. He nodded the headed towards the door. I kissed Jacobs forehead and walked out behind him. We got to the front door and Gerard looked at me and smiled sadly. I opened the door and he stepped out standing outside the door. "He's adorable." Gerard said. "I know. He's my baby. I love him more than anything in the world." I said. "I know your mad at me, and you have every right to be, but I want to be in his life. He's my son, please." I wasn't about to tell him he couldn't see his son. That would be mean. "That's fine, he's your child, too. Come back tomorrow at twelve and we can go to lunch." I said. He smiled and hugged me. "Sounds great." he said and pulled away. Buster growled at him and stalked off. I laughed and said goodbye. I closed the door and everything hit me. Gerard's back.