When Bad Turns To Worse an Worse Turns To Tragic

Story 3- Tragic

In case you don't remember I'm waiting to see what happens tomorrow with Brendan. Well get ready because its truly tragic. What happened with Brendan wasn't necessarily tragic, but it made what happened in the end make a little more sense. Even though it would have happened anyway. Tomorrow came and went.. With a bang.

It was going like a normal rehearsal, but then I had a little break. There was this space, it wasn't a corner. And it wasn't a hallway. Somewhere in between. But, we were hidden, so we stood there leaned up against the wall cuddling. Then I had to go dance again, last practice of the night. He waited for me, when I was done and had my stuff all packed up he gave me a hug goodbye. Then, he stuck his tongue down my throat. I started to kiss him back, but then I tried to pull away and he wouldn't let me. He just pressed closer. I tried to back up and he slammed my hips into him. Hard. It hurt until the next day and it made me bleed. And I wasn't on my period.

At that point I had already had a conversation with Jon and he was getting jealous, he didn't say it, but I could tell. I said I was thinking about saying no and he asked why because I seem to really dig this kid. I asked him why he was acting so weird and he said it was because he liked me. Then I asked if he would date me again and he said yes because he liked me and no because I didn't seem to know what I wanted. So right then and there I said I was going to tell Brendan no. I told Jon that I knew exactly what I wanted. I said I wanted him, Jon. Again.

Honestly because this time it seemed like he really changed. So then when I told Jon what happened about Brendan not letting me pull away, he almost flipped shit. Because with guys always trying to make moves on me and trying to force themselves on me, Jon had been saying that if I ever wanted him to beat someone up or talk to someone, he would. He was always protecting me. So after that I stopped talking to Brendan. I was just flat out done with him. But, how Jon was acting was classic. Whenever he heard about me having another boyfriend or that it was a possibility I was getting one, he became so jealous.

There was one problem, Jon wasn't allowed to date anymore. So, then Jon and I started acting a little like boyfriend and girlfriend. It was actually kinda nice. Feeling cared about without having to worry about the responsibility of a relationship. But, it was hurting both of us, you know? Regardless of weather we wanted to date or not, it always upsets both of us so much when we think about how we barely get to see each other because we're so close. He had this rule though, because we weren't actually dating and we couldn't, he would only call me any form of baby once a month. And he would only pour his heart out once a month.

He would call me pretty, gorgeous, and beautiful and tell me that he loved my hair. But I would only get things like this once a month- "Your smile is like sunlight peering through the darkest storm, making all that is dark, light again." That was an actual example, he said those words to me. He was making me happy and he was changing. He was just the real him now, no drugs talking. And that was all I ever wanted from him.

But, at the same time I had my friends telling me that Jon was shit and a loser. Then I had Jon getting really upset when I would tell him what they said. He would get angry because they were judging him because of his past. I had to wonder thought, was he still just manipulating me? I made sure he wouldn't be able to by making sure that I was in control. And his rule about the once a month things, that made me think he wasn't manipulating me.

It went on really nice until the school year started. Our school has these little get togethers one Friday of every month called Friday Night Cafe. You can preform if you want, if you don't want to, you just watch. Jon and I both went to the first one and we sat on the floor next to each other. He was scheduled to play guitar and I was just watching. So the entire time before he went up was us sitting really close to each other, holding hands. And me trying to calm him down.

He gets so nervous about preforming. So when they called his name I kissed him on the cheek and said good luck. He looked at me and smiled, he had the sweetest, happiest, most loving look of graditude in his eyes as he lightly brushed the hair out of my face. I watched him and when he came back I hugged him and told him that he did amazing. He said thank you, pulled me closer and kissed me.

It was amazing for a little while after that. Then came the vital question to his parents, weather or not he could date. Well he told me they said no. It was really disappointing. I cried myself to sleep the night he told me. He said he did too. Then, the next morning something dawned on me. I was right before. He never asked, he never cared about me, he was lying. That was it for me. I had finally had enough.

I had become friends with his best friend Kevin. I had him do some snooping to see if Josh was serious about me or if he was just trying to get in my pants. But, it was taking so long I started getting impatient and thinking it was going to be what I expected all along. So I started writing suicide notes. Personal ones to my friends, do my parents, and the same one for my parents would be the one I would request be read at morning announcements at arts school to explain to everyone what happened. I didn't want to leave people wondering invade there were those people who still thought about the unexplained things that happened 40 years ago.

I had this book I wrote in a lot, it was a good sized leather bond book. It wasn't a diary really. More so, just a place for thoughts. I started by paging through and marking which pages I wanted copies made of and given to certain people. Then, I started writing my explanation of my suicide. It would what I left the book open to on my desk for whoever found me to read. Then hopefully before it was claimed for police evidence Mr. Allen, the director of my school would read it out how I wanted.

'Trigger warning for the next few paragraphs'

It was the day I was planning to kill myself and still nothing from Kevin. I was thinking about what was making me want to kill myself, and I realized that most of it was that I just kept making the same mistakes over and over again. Then I wondered, was this just making that same type of mistake? I decided it wasn't. In my mind I was saving myself from the memories of what happened and what was yet to come.

XX

Sorry guys! i had epic writers block forever! i knew what i wanted the next few paragraphs to be about, but i couldn't put it into words.

Hey guys! I'm sorry if anyone liked this, but I'm officially giving up on it and starting a new book. I'm tired if this story. I'm going to do a Harry Styles and Vic Fuentes fanfic :P tell me what you think, darlings