The Seads

chapter 1

Dear jacky

i miss you its been 5 whole years since the accident...... can you believe it, it seems like just yesterday you were complaining about not being able to run your hands through my hair when i layed in your lap......i grew it out yup no more buzz cuts for me just a quiff.

So much has changed since you passed i left my parents to go to college yea i got my doctoral to become a physician just like i wanted. Its hard work but it pays the bills and leaves alot extra. I dont really need it cause i like to stay home locked away in the solitary confinement of my oversized house.

I get called a greedy pig by many because of the money they say i just ' through away' because it goes straight to the bank and stays there. Life would be so much better if you were here in this house with me punching me in the chest for every sex joke i would make or with our adopted boy running around the house naked after i got home from working over night you chasing behind him soaked with water and bubbles. I would love to come home to you in general really i miss you so much.

I looked out the window of my hotel room the tinted glass hiding my sorrow from the worlds prying eyes. Feb ,1 the anniversary of my Jackys death if only i would have stayed home if only i would have grew up when you told me to maybe just maybe he would still be here in my arms not me being in this run down town going to his grave.

They all blame me even i blame me he wouldnt have missed that light if he weren't yelling at my drunkin self. I witnessed the screeching tires the shattering of glass and the almost inaudible i love you before everything literally came crashing.

I grabbed my jacket finally mustering up the courage to leave the room. Fighting the harsh winter's breeze i walked to my escort car ducking from the flashing of cameras coming from the paparazzi that some how seems to know where i am before i do. Chuckling to myself i watch the familiar scenery passing me such as time did. The farther away from the city i got the more i felt nervous i havent seen my parents in five whole years and now i finaly decide to come visit not to see them but jacky but they don't have to know that.

We pulled onto my old address nothing has changed the house still stands as beautiful as ever the brown paint has no chip anywhere and the black shudders still gives the house a mysterious chic feel. My chauffer opens the door for me i thank him and get out slowly contemplating if i should just get back in and leave pretending i was never there. I got my leg back in when i hear a faint voice speak my name

," Collin". It was my mother she looked as beautiful as ever her hair was a bit lighter maybe because of age but everything was the same. I hadnt noticed her hugging me being so deep in thought. I hugged back happy to feel some sort of love. ," momma i missed you so much. Oh baby i know i know". She started to cry. ," im so happy your back everything went completely down hill when you left but now that your back for go-- no i am not back for good momma just a few months i have a buisness to run remember?" She chuckled and whiped her tears away . ," of course i do colly its hard not to know seeing your handsome face all over t.v. lets go in honey im cold".

Walking into my childhood home i see a number of changes yet the atmosphere is the same ," sit im gonna go get your dad and brothers". She turned and ran up the stairs i walked to the fire place insearch of old photos. Not dissatisfied i found pictures of me and jacky as teenagers she had the picture of us as thirteen me holding a bass up to his face while he looked as if he was going to throw up from the smell of the dead slimy fish.
," collin!" I turned just to be knocked to the ground by a very grown up Cecil ," man i missed you collin why'd you leave huh why'd you not come back in five years you big dork. Whoa whoa ill answer questions as soon as you let me up man".

," man your so big now how old are you? Well mr.gone for 5 years i am now 17 years old. Wow its been sometime your just a foot out of the house now aren't you. Yeeep im almost out of here and off to FSU. Oh wow you want to go to florida for college just like your brother what a proud father i am". I turned to see my father standing in the door way with my youngest brother Casten.

," hey dad long time no see." How pathetic of me sounding so unintentionally formal and alienated after walking out for five years. ," well don't just stand there son come give your old man a hug. I walked into my father's warm embrace.

He pushed me back a few inches almost seeming to be inspecting me. ," my my have you grown into a handsome man just like your father". He said placing his hand under chin and posing in the ' sexy deep thought pose'.

," heh he yea yea whatever you say old man. I said shaking my head. ," So how the hell are you son? Im fine dad just living the life of a multimillionaire". I said moking his pose from earlier. Rolling his eyes.," no need to rub it--

," daddy i wanna talk to coco. Oh yeah sorry cassy go ahead i have to get to the bait shop anyway so uh see you at dinner son....'s. With that he grabbed his coat and his keys. Turning my attention away from the door i stare at the little eight year old in front of me. ," so cas--". Tears gathered in the corner of his eyes and he launched foward and held his tiny arms around my waist. I picked him up and held him tighter i was so worried he wouldnt remember being that he was only 3 when i up and left.

He didnt seem to want to speak or he was sleeping because i held him for a pretty long time not being so sure i walked upstairs to find his room for a welcome home nap so if hes not sleeping he sure will be soon cause I dont plan on letting go for a while