I don't want to sound bad or sassy but I actually fucking hate when someone's not showing me affection.
Maybe because in the past I was disappointed by thousands of people but that's not the apple pie. I don't want to say: "If I'm not okay, you shouldn't be either", but it's pissing me off when I cry and suffer and think about everything that happened and your just kicking it down the stairway, and forgetting about everything. I thought that things like this get better with time, but I still se you. And annoyingly, you're the only image in my mind, so I still need you.
You said that I can go over it, but actually I'm doing stupid things and just sobbing 'till I fall asleep every single night, and it's not fair. I never intended to change you, you were perfect and you are still perfect the way you are. You've changed, and you know that, and you know that you can get back to normal. I don't care about others but I care about you, about us, about everything we've been trough.
If I don't care, then tell me why I'm spending the rest of my time thinking about everything wrong I've done. Just sobbing, and crying, and shaking, only because I started to HATE MYSELF, which is not good! I'm supposed to be supportive to myself and to convince myself that everything's possible...but no, I have to crumble to death to give me another chance to live in this shit-old-life.
Remember the first time I saw you? Remember when you told me: "You're beautiful."
Remember about the parking place we went to so nobody could see us?
Just hugging, kissing, laughing, talking, just loving ourselves. Yeah I miss that. You know what else I actually miss? Your promises. You promised me not to let me go. And you jumped over the skies without me, you left me here, and you don't wanna do anything about it.
No "sorry", not even "I love you and I miss you" convinced you that I actually gived a damn about you.
You were so scared that I won't accept you the way you are, but I did it. And in a magical way, I loved you the way you saw yourself. With all of your "imperfections" and with your "ugly face".
I loved you. Maybe I'm still doing it, but once I'm gonna see that you don't give a damn. I'm gonna be destroyed. Like right now.
