17 Forever

Chapter two: I don't understand...

"Maybe I'm better off dead If I was would it finally be enough To shut out all those
voices in my head? Maybe I'm better off dead Better off dead! Did you hear a word Hear a word I said? This is not where I belong'You gonna miss me when I'm gone Gone, gone This is not where I belong You gonna miss me when I'm gone"
I hummed along, listening closely to the words. The thing with me is no on would miss me if I was gone. They all blame me and want me dead anyway...I'm getting sick of the voices anyway.. I have a meeting with my new therapist and then a doctors appointment and let's just say it is not a doctor you see when physically sick. I walked into the place since I had refused to let anyone drive me to my appointment. I took out my earbuds and got in the elevator sighing heavily and pressing a button to take me to the highest floor. I got off and went into her office, there was an older lady sitting in one of those spinning chairs. She smiled warmly and put her clipboard down. "You must be Avery Nice to meet you." She stuck out her hand. I did not accept her hand and corrected her "it Avery Noel not just Avery..." I sat down on a long couch and she frowned and sucked in a big breath. "Okay Avery Noel why don't you tell me why you are here?" I huffed and answered "Because my mom and aunt and boyfriend think I'm insane and need help" she nodded slightly and wrote something down as I started picking at my finger. "Miss Avery Noel can I ask, do you think you need help?" I stared at her for a moment and replied simply " No I don't" she wrote more down. "Has your mother or aunt or boyfriend ever called you insane?" I just mumbled a "No" she started blubbering and asking about feelings and then asked the question that made me want to snap. "Have you ever contemplated suicide?" I breathed in and exhaled trying to keep my cool. "Maybe, maybe not. Isn't it a bit early to be asking questions about suicide?" She just nodded and apologized. 20 more minutes of agonizing question asking later I was out and meeting Jordan in the park to go to my doctors appointment. I put on my favorite song other than better off dead, which is mad hatter by Melanie Martinez and walked to the park. It was only 5 minutes away so I got there quickly and got in Jordan's car. I laid my hand on the console between the two seats and he grabbed my hand. I took my earbuds out and looked at him. He smiled at me and I tried smiling back and failed and mumbled a sorry before looking out the window. He sighed and began driving " at least you are trying..." I just nodded and looked at him. "Jordan?" "Yeah?" "Would anyone miss me if I was dead? I mean everyone blames me for all this...it was my fault..." He didn't answer for a minute and pulled the car over. " are you thinking about suicide?" I bit my lip and looked at him. "I have...The world would be better without me anyway." His eyes started to water. " please don't do this to me Avery Noel...I love you and I lost to many people at that party to lose you as well... Please don't do anything to hurt yourself..." I looked him in the eye and shrugged. He started driving again and we got there. We got out of the car and went inside to meet my mom and aunt and my doctor. Dr. Marcus was his name and he has been my doctor since the party and he was good at his job. He took us in to his office and started doing his thing. About 20 minutes after asking questions and stuff this is what he said. He sat down in front of us and said " well we ran some tests and found that you do have depression officially, I know you hear that a lot but I'm being honest so we are putting you on some anti-depressants. But we found something...different... We found something in your brain that scarred you so bad that your brain will be stuck in the mindset that you are and will be 17...forever...unless all off you can help get her past this. The anti-depressants will help but she needs to get her mind off of what happened that night...she can't think about it or it will get worse. No talking about the party or anything involved, please follow my instructions or she will think she is 17 until she dies. Questions?" I was shocked "I-I don't understand but I don't have questions..." He nodded "expected next time you come back, if you have questions feel free to ask..." He nodded and left the room. I stood up. My aunt looked at me and sighed. "Let's get out of here.. We all need to discuss what happened today..." We all nodded and stood up. We walked out and I got in a car with Jordan and my mom and my aunt got in there car. We drove back to my house. I was worried, 17 forever? My life would be ruined! Not that it isn't already....

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YESSS 2 chapter! The actress above is Britt Robertson and she is playing Avery Noel! Hope you enjoyed this loooonnng chapter and I will see you next time ~ Chloe 💕