Dear Ex Boyfriend,

Chapter One

Hello, welcome to my cradle of love. This is where I usually write the sentiments I have in life, how my day went, how I wanted it to be, or how it is supposed to be. My weak heart can’t store all those different painful thoughts so I wanted to share it to the world. Here’s a little piece of reality of how my happy ever after turned into gloomy ever after. Xoxo, bitternessandlove.

I hate to say this, but this is the most painful thing I have experienced in my life so far –being dumped by the guy I love so much. He was my first boyfriend—Justine. I don’t know where to start, because I have imagined a sweet life with him, but maybe love isn’t really enough to make relationships work. Relationships do end, even the best ones fall down when they cannot take the pain anymore. I don’t know if I could, but I will try to be strong. That’s it, Andie. It’s time to blog your pain away.

DAY 1

“He was the first guy I was nervous to call. He was the first guy I ever went on a date with. The first guy I truly held hands with. The first guy I would stay on the phone for hours. He was my first true boyfriend. He was my first, second & third kisses. He was my first everything. And let’s face it, he still is.”

Hi baby,

I can still remember how you promised me you won’t give up on us. But why did you walk away? Am I not enough for you? Don’t I make you happy anymore? It’s hard to see your changed relationship status to single. I can’t help but let tears fall.

            “Hey, you’ve changed your relationship status,” I said.

            “Don’t act like you care, Andie,” your hurtful reply.

            “I respect your decision,”

            “Good,”

I don’t want you to go away, I don’t want you to go, baby. Can we still give our love another chance? It’s too hard for me to accept that everything we had, it’s gone. You threw it all away. Why, baby? You told me that we’re going to make it no matter what. As long as I keep on fighting for the two of us, as long as we’re together, nothing is going to stop us. But what happened baby? Why did you leave? Baby, I want to say sorry for everything that happened, if I did something wrong, if I hurt you, I want to say sorry even if it’s already too late. I wish I can hold your hand and hug you right now. I wish you would change your mind. Because I miss you already. And I don’t know how to begin a new life without you. Please stay. I don’t want you to go.

DAY 2

Hi baby,

I woke up today with tears in my eyes. It’s so hard to go on like this. I can’t help but scan through our photos, our sweet conversations, your material gifts, I miss you baby. I wish I could let you know. But you don’t care. I don’t know what I did to deserve something like this. You said I was your princess, right? You were my prince. We’ll build our own castle and have our own happy ever after. But what happened to our dreams? You decided alone. Don’t you want me to be a part of your life anymore? Am I not that important to you anymore? Pain—something I never imagined I would feel so much. Why do you have to cause me so much pain and yet, it’s still you whom I need to ease it? I want to hate you for leaving me, for making me feel that I’m not even worth any explanation. But I guess I should start accepting the fact that for this time, this is the right thing to do. There’s a right time for me to know why you decided to walk away.

DAY 3

Hi baby,

I saw you at school today. You were walking alone. I wanted to approach you, give you a drink like I always do, hold your hand, hug you, and tell you that you’re the best guy that has ever been mine. But I remembered, you’re no longer mine. It hurts to be distant with you when all I really wanted is to be near you. I can’t imagine how entwined we were before, and now I can’t even come an inch near you. You’re near, but I can’t reach you. I saw you feeling happy without me. Baby, it’s tearing my heart apart. It hurts so much to see you and not being able to hold you when I know that you were mine, and that those hands perfectly fit mine. I hate how I cannot speak and look into our eyes directly because I might cry. I don’t want you to see me crying and weak. But I promise, I will be strong, baby. I will.