*
Jill watched as Jason and Casey's house shrank in the side view mirror of the car. Rory wove their way through the quiet neighborhood as the sun set, the silence in the vehicle nearly deafening.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Rory finally spoke, his voice almost a whisper. Jill could hear the raw pain in his voice and it made her chest ache in response. She turned to examine him, but he wouldn't look at her, opting to focus on the road instead with his jaw clenched.
"I told you it was complicated," she sighed.
"Then just start at the beginning."
Jill took a few nerve-wracking minutes to try and compose her thoughts and slow her pulse. It was difficult with the man she had been losing so much sleep over sitting within reach. She could sense his impatience so she just took a quick breath and began to speak.
"When I was in high school, I had to work really hard for my grades. There were people in my class that got straight A's without even trying, but that wasn't me. I barely had a social life. I would study for hours a day, and still sometimes I'd have to do extra credit. But I got my 4.0.
"I had to work just as hard to pass the tests to be a nurse in the Army. I guess I'm trying to say that I've never been super intelligent, but I always made up for it with hard work. I fell in love with helping people through medicine, so I applied to a pre-med program and through some miracle, I got in." Jill knew she was rambling, but now that the words were finally coming, she just couldn't stop herself. She had to tell him this; he mattered too much now.
"So a month ago, I show up in Denver, ready to commit to years upon years of nothing but endless textbooks, studying, and papers so that I could be a doctor. There was no way I could be in a relationship; I just wouldn't have the time if I wanted a prayer of passing. And then you showed up ..."
"Sorry," Rory quietly apologized, flashing a sad smile as his eyes stayed on the road. But he did risk reaching over to briefly squeeze Jill's hand before dropping it. That single touch was enough to set her pulse racing again.
Jill took a few deep breaths and continued. "I figured it was just going to be the one night, that there was no harm in bringing a stranger to bed, just once." She paused as she shook her head, then continued in a bittersweet tone, "For meaningless sex." Jill laughed, once, then went on in a quiet voice, "But it wasn't meaningless. We ... connected, and you left me that note, and you showed up at my door at midnight ...
"So I had to think about it again. Surely there wouldn't be any harm in seeing you until I moved into my apartment? School didn't start for another week. You couldn't distract me from classes when they weren't happening.
"But then you took me to Elitch Gardens and we rode that damn Ferris wheel. And we came back to the room and ..." she trailed off, unsure of the words that threatened to fall out of her mouth. "And we ..."
"Made love," Rory supplied for her.
Jill blushed and nodded. "And you left the next morning without saying a word."
"Maybe the stupidest thing I've ever done."
"Why? Why did you just disappear like that?"
Rory considered her question for a long moment as Jill's heart raced even faster the longer it took for him to respond. But his answer was simple enough, and certainly one that she could relate to. "I got scared."
"And then you came back that night ..." Jill had to breathe deeply to stop the tears from coming. "It broke my heart not to let you in the room. But I had to. I couldn't start a relationship with you." She continued in a ragged whisper: "I still can't. But now I don't want to be without you either."
