Strings

I Can't

Can I take a second to speak on a topic that has me heart broken. First The whole Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin thing and now one of my favorite actors Cory Monteith from Glee is dead. You don't understand how sad I am. My prayers go out to the Martin & Monteith families. Both sons were gone before their time. God bless lea Michelle's soul too, they were planning a wedding before he died.

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"When are we actually going to have time to talk?" I asked sitting at the bar. It was early in the morning and I was hoping to actually talk with him today. "I have practice maybe later." He said grabbing his bag. It's always fucking practice. It's always that stupid fucking practice. "How about you skip practice today and we hang out like we used to?" I said forcing a smile.

"I can't and you know that Natalia." Nicholas said grabbing his keys off the counter. "Every time we get back in good place, you do this to me." I said covering my face with my hands. "What is it now Natalia?" He said clearly annoyed. "4 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant.." I started. "What? You are? When were you going to tell me." He said grabbing my hands from my face.

"Don't act as if you care now." I said standing up. "I spend every hour locked in this house, I'm so tired and stressed out Nicholas. You never ask to take Amelia anywhere with you because you're probably to busy with Leslie." I yelled.

"I asked you what was wrong Natalia.You lied to me and said nothing..you told me you were fine." He said quickly gaining a temper. "You don't even fucking listen to me. I've been trying to tell you that I had a miscarriage nick, I lost my baby...I lost my baby because I'm always stressed over you." I yelled this time I didn't care if I woke up the whole damn neighborhood.

His whole demeanor softened up a bit and I saw sadness in his eyes but that quickly changed. "No, you don't get to make this all about me. You can't blame the fact that you can't carry a child on fucking me." That was the last straw. I'd never thought I'd ever hear Nicholas say something like that to me.

"I can't believe you would even say something like that to me." I said walking away. "No Natalia wait." He followed me upstairs. "I didn't mean that, it just came out." He kept repeating over and over again.

I turned and put on the best smile that I could muster. "You should probably leave, wouldn't want you to miss practice." I said shutting the bedroom door in his face.