How It Happened

Chapter 1 (Not Edited)

"Did you see what she's wearing today?" Jacky whispered to her friend, Nancy. They were siting two rows away from me, yet I could clearly hear their whispers. I know I should just focus on eating my salad, but I cant. I have to know what they're saying about this girl.

"Yes. Like who hasn't? I swear she needs to go back to Minnesota or wherever that weirdo is from!" Shit. They're talking about May. I hate how they could talk about someone who wasn't even relevant in their own life. Yet there was May, popping up in their conversations.

"Nanc! That's offensive to all weirdos!" They both chukled along with there other friends. They always used that against anyone, saying people are weirdos. I wanted to pipe in so bad. I knew May, and she didn't deserve to be talked about. I kept silent and played around with my salad.

Nancy got up to throw away her uneaten food along with Jamie, her boyfriend. I never understood why Jamie decided to date her. Jamie was the nicest, sweet-hearted guy I've ever known. Yet he's dating someone who's doesn't know the definition of being nice.

"Hey Jamie can you take my tray?" Jacky called out before he was to far.

"Ye-"

"You have feet. You can walk. Stop being lazy." Nancy yelled sternly to Jacky. See what I mean?

"Fine." Jacky said with a shaky voice.

I got up and headed to the trash. I noticed something shiny on the cafeteria floor. I kneeled down to realize it was a ring. I shoved the plain sliver ring in my pocket. In the process of getting up I heard someone say, "Can you move your lard looking ass?" Here we go.

"Calm down Nanc." Jamie said while rubing her back. Nancy just gave him a cold glare.

I got up slowly to really piss her off. By the time I was standing up straight she grab her orange juice, unscrewed the cap and poured it all over my hair. She wiggled out every little drop. The nerve she had on people. I sighed aloud. I didn't deserve it. But I just had to be okay with it.

I heard snickering from all over the lunch room. Nancy was trying to give me a bitch face, but just couldn't hold it in and laughed the loudest. I stood there, not knowing what to do. I put down my tray on the nearest table and walked away calmly.

I already had my backpack on me so I thought, might as well leave. I exited the back entrance and felt free as I stepped on the pavement.

I only lived a few blocks away from this fucked up high school. So I never got picked up or dropped off here.

As I started to step onto the road to cross, I kept having this annoying thought in the back of my head.

"That was the time when you needed friends." Ugh, just shut up! I hated when I thought like that. There was no need to.

But it's true I need friends. Sure I knew May. But we didn't hang out or talk to each other outside of third period. I need friends. I need friends. I. Need. Friend. I kept repeating those three words to myself as I silently walked home.

Stop it Matt. You don't need to think like that. You're perfect the way you are. You're a-okay without friends. I kept resuring myslef.

"Are you okay miss?" Shit. Did I like look I angry? Or maybe Confused?

"Hmm? Yeah I'm good." I shrugged past him. I just wanted to get home. Just a few more steps.

I'm sure I heard that guy say something else, but I didn't care.

I sighed in relief when I saw the familiar porch. I walked very shaky to the door. I was preparing myself for what came apart of my daily routine. I took the key out of my backpack and unlock the door.

My parents weren't home, like usual. I locked the front door behind me and almost ran to my room.

I looked in my room mirror. My blonde hair was now a dark brown, nasty looking rats nest. My tan forehead was now sticky. I tried smiling at myself, but I looked away from my own reflection. I couldn't bare to look at myself. I was to pathetic.

I thought to myself. Today hasn't been the worst day. But it wasn't the best either. I wiped away some dust on the mirror. I sat up and went to my night stand.

I lifted my snow globe my grandma got me a few years back. I took the razor blade that had dried blood on it from a few nights before. I grabbed it and quickly put down the globe. I lumped down on my bed. The usual spot.

I just looked at the razor blade. I studied it. The sharpness. The oval shape in the middle.

I grasped the razor blade with my right hand. I lightly dragged the razor blade across my left arm, tracing where I was going to open up my skin.

I pushed the blade deep into my skin. Deeper and deeper. So I had the reassurance that I was going to bleed.

This day sucked. I didn't have friends to help me. I got orange juice in my hair. I look more pathetic than usual. If I just took the blade to my right, I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. I wouldn't have run ins with girls I can't stand. I wouldn't feel so lonely. I would be in a better place, With people just like me. I would be better off dead. No one even knows me. No one would notice if I didn't goto school for days or even months.

That really tempted me. I slowly started to drag the corner of the blade across my skin. This wasn't the right way Matt! I scolded myslef. I put the whole blade on my skin and pulled up. I couldn't do it today. I didn't feel enough pain.

I laid down on my bed. I wanted to escape reality for a few seconds. So I switched my position and laid on my side. I clenched the blade. It was the only thing that made me feel safe.

I slowly drifted off to sleep. I needed this. I needed to be in my dreams. Where it was okay to be like me.