A Monster To Hide

Fear of friends

Let me tell some things about my friends. They are caring people but not always. Here's my story why they are not always caring people. One day I woke up in a sunny morning. I go and get my glasses and check my for post notification. I see my friend texted me and my group chat. As I text back I go potty 😂. I tell my friend which is my fake dad I guess u can say. As I a joke I texted him if I had the opportunity to get a tattoo would u let me. He answered back no. As the day passed we talked in the group chat. In the middle of no where my friend Kendall in the group chat said "Shut the fuck up dick head" to me. I was so confused why she was really pissed at me. I even told her why did she told whatever that in the group chat. She told me okay whatever I'm leaving and left the chat. So I thought she mad at me for something I don't recall about. The whole entire day i have been thinking what have I done to make her mad.
My other friend Sarah told me what was happing I told her what happened I thought I every thing was going so bad because tears were running down my face so much. To take my mind off of this situation I went to Disney land with my family. We all had a great time. It was 9:30 when we came back home I start getting all these messages so I start reading all of them. One of them was about what happened my mind was off of that topic until I read that message so I quickly go drop off my parents and baby sis and baby bro home an I get back home. I open the door close and I closed it S hard all of my pictures and painting fall off of the walls. My back on the door and sliding down into a ball while I was turning into a ball I cry slowly. So the whole day I cried in a ball while my dog licking the tears off of my face. I posted so many snaps of me going to kill myself. I post my final snap I put my blood and it was a cup full of my blood. when I took it I had blade the hand I was bleeding and I was holding my cup in the other. My friend saw it and said to stop and couldn't because I knew I deserved it. I told stop what she told me why are u cutting I told I don't belong here and she told me okay whatever. So that's why I didn't bother to say anything. After 30 mins my friend Julie text me which I haven't hang for so long. She said hey what are u doing I told her trying to kill my self. She was so socked and told me I do belong I am perfect in a unique way. Which made me make myself cry more because I know not every can be loved all the time they can be hated also. The whole entire night we hang out. Which was the best day ever with Julie