So, I saw a picture of you online. I was expecting to feel less pain because I knew that I already accepted defeat and chose to go the other way. I let you go and started to move on-- leaving all that's broken, all that could still be salvaged and all that's pure and beautiful. However, when I saw you smiling on that picture, reality sunk in that through the time that we ignored and rejected each other, I have been missing you in all way possible. I have been missing your unaligned brows and pointed nose; your warm palms and curly hair (which I've only noticed lately); your brown and deep eyes that pushed me down the cliff and your husky but honeyed voice that made me lose sleep. I miss you. From top to bottom, from inside to outside. Through funny and romantic to devastating and dull moments, through "I don't deserve this kind of crap" to "I will still stay because he will need me" mantras. I am missing all of you. And it scares all the shit of me that what if I am still stuck on the dump where you left me? Moreover, what shakes my whole world now is the thought that missing you inflicts me pain. The kind of pain that those books did not warn me about. The kind of pain that is new; the kind of pain I only feel from you. But maybe, missing you is a part of another step to take. Maybe, this pain is also a part of courageously leaving my comfort zone which is you. I know I'll get through this. I know this is only another great hurricane I need to survive from. I know this is worth it. My decision is worth it. You are only a lesson I need to master.
