The Day I Wore Purple

5.3 Unrequited

Friday evening, two hours before Hannah's show, fog settled into the streets of Chicago. Street lamps look a hundred years older in fog, Jon thought, then snapped a picture with his phone.

The ring was safe in the pocket of his slacks. Beneath the bandage, his tattoo was vivid and clean.

Gavin was already waiting at the Oasis when Jon arrived. Sam scrambled behind the bar to fill orders.

"Sam," Gav called when Jon sat down. "Give my brother a scotch and Coke."

"He can handle hard liquor?"

"He's gonna have to. It's his big night." He patted Jon on the back.

"No Aim tonight?" Jon asked.

"She's not feeling well," Sam said, then dropped a glass of brown on the bar. "She's at her máma's getting rest."

Gavin raised his glass. "To art, the future, and eternal love."

Jon hesitated, then said, "Cheers." He clanked his brother's glass and tasted his first sip of scotch.

"Good?" Gav asked.

Jon's cheeks puckered. "They should call it 'mouthwash and diesel fuel,' but it's not bad!"

Sam grinned and returned to the crowded bar.

Gavin nodded to the empty rectangle behind the bar. "Think Hannah'll finish on time?"

"I offered to help, but I'd just be in the way."

Gavin reached over and lifted the bandage on Jon's arm. "Tattoo healed?"

He jerked back and the drink sloshed onto his hand. "Yeah, but it still hurts."

"Let me see it."

This wasn't the way Jon wanted to start the evening. But his brother would see the atom anyway when he revealed the circle to Hannah. And that would be a worse time to explain his de-conversion...

Jon's anxiety tripled and he took another gulp of diesel. He removed the tape from his arm, lifted his sleeve, and raised the tattoo for Gavin's scrutiny.

"It's beautiful, man. Really incredible." He leaned forward and followed the intricate spiral around Jon's tricep and elbow. "Is that an atom?"

Another sip. "Uh huh."

"What does it mean?"

Jon wanted to shy away from the truth, to give his brother some half-assed answer about enjoying the pursuit of science... but he was tired of the dishonesty. "I don't believe in God, anymore, Gav."

Gavin leaned back in his stool and assumed a fatherly pose. "I can't say I didn't see it coming."

"I've been thinking about it a lot, and I just can't do it."

"You believe in science instead?"

"I don't really want to talk about it tonight... but yeah, I believe in science." Jon recognized the absurdity of that phrase, but didn't want to start a debate. "We'll grab another drink when things settle down. I can answer your questions."

Gavin twirled his glass on the countertop. "And the circle?"

"For the proposal."

"Nice." After a moment lost in thought, Gavin motioned to Sam. "Another round, bud?"

Jon shook his head. "I think one was enough."

"Loosen up, Jonny."

Jon covered his glass and shook his head. "Gotta be on my A-game tonight."