Kakashi's Depression

Guilt In My Heart

AUTHOR'S NOTE: okay so this is really depressing. I was working on my Naruhina fanfic and I just decided to write about Kakashi. Well one thing led to another and I ended up writing about Kakashi's emotional pain. but when you think about it, this is probably along the lines of what Kakashi thinks. Anyway, enjoy and review! Have a request? Tell me in the comments!

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The guilt is like shards of glass in my heart, making me hurt even more day after day. Constantly reminding me how much of a failure I am, I've lost Obito, Rin, Minato sensei, My father and my mother. Sometimes i wonder what it's like if i was never born, and i realize: Obito wouldn't have gotten crushed by that boulder, Rin wouldn't have died, meaning her and Obito could be together, Minato sensei wouldn't have had to seal the nine tails in his son and die (since Obito wouldn't have attacked the village), but most importantly everyone's lives could have been a lot better without me. I am just a piece of scum, a failure, a burden, a broken soul dragging myself along to survive day after day. I am lost in this world, no one to love me, to hold me,to comfort me, tell me it's alright, to bring my fallen comrades back, and no one to see this side of me and accept it. Instead of using kunais to kill my enemies, i should use it to kill myself.
But I Won't
not because i don't want to. This is because i shouldn't, people will know how much pain i feel if i do. I don't want pity, I just want this pain to go away. I can't even escape this hell at night, my nightmares of Rin never cease. Sometimes even nightmares of my father and Obito occur. Sure i have comrades to fill the void in my heart, but i dug too deep a hole. As my comrades fill it, depression infects it and ceases it from ever closing. Even if i try to stitch it together, the thread wears out and the darkness leaks in again. No matter how hard I try, i just can't be happy. Sure i may look carefree and this may not sound true, but everyone was taught looks can be decieving. Maybe i am just decieving myself, saying there is a chance it can get better. I know it won't, but telling myself helps in some kind of way. I keep myself so wrapped up in missions so  i don't get lost in my thoughts. If i do, i'm afraid i'll never find my way out. Then again, there won't be anyone waiting for me if i do. But every morning I still wake up and complete my orders, and every night I go to bed thinking of all my mistakes i've made. With every passing hour I live with the fact that I'll never get rid of the guilt in my heart.