Placement

Part 1

Death is funny.

You can be in a perfect moment and then the next moment comes and so suddenly your mind has left your body and you aren't in control anymore. If I had to describe it I would say it's like arriving in an unknown place, not quite sure how got you there but you still know where you are.

I grew up not knowing how I would die, not knowing what would happen to me after. I knew people had their own ideas. Each story slightly different to suit each of their wants and fears. My family never talked about it, we never went to church, hell they didn't even give me anything to go off of.

Religion would have you believe that once you die you go to either heaven or you go to hell. An eternity in a beautiful land that you never want to leave, or a place with fire and rotten flesh burning right to the core of your being. Most would say there's no in between... that those are my only options.

My friends never gave me a straight answer either, just like many people in my life. But I always knew that they would allow me to believe what I wanted, I could trust them with anything. I knew they wouldn't judge me, they weren't my god. They were my therapists, my clowns, my loves until the end. They never judged me and I never judged them back.

So when the decision came I wasn't really sure what I was expecting. Maybe I was hoping it would be memorable. Maybe I wanted to be remembered. Maybe I was just sick of where I was then and I wanted out. So that's what I did, I escaped, and now I'm here.

First you have to know how I got to here, this is my story.

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The air in the room was moving swiftly into my lungs and then out again. My toes twitched as I felt the cold concrete of the wall that my feet laid flatly upon. My eyes plastered shut of my own choice, not wanting to accept where I was. The truth may have been too much for me to accept so far into the process. At least that's what they had tried to explain to me.

They tried to get me to open my eyes, to give in, to understand. How could I? My body had just gotten back together. I had just been able to feel the slightest pinch and smell the strongest cup of coffee. Things were just beginning to feel okay again.

I wasn't sure if I felt safe here. If I would ever feel safe again. I let the fear drive me to stay focused on living. Although I sometimes wonder if I'm still alive, or if I'm worth keeping alive.

≈≈≈≈

I always had bazar hearing ability's, even with the transition off of earth. Many people lost some, if not all of their senses when we left. I was one of the few lucky ones, that's what people tell me anyways. But they only say that because they can't hear what I can. I hear things I wish I had never heard. Their screams echoed in my mind, caving in all my thoughts. Replacing all my memories with the shrieks of younglings and the painful moans of the elderly.

I prayed in my mind when the silence of night came. Please, whoever is listening... please save us. Save us from our own hell... No one ever seemed to answer, nothing ever changed, but I swear I hear them laughing.

≈≈≈≈

BANG! With my eyes still squeezed shut I jerked my head into the plush pillow that lay upon the metal table they had placed my body on so long ago. The hand cuffs blistering my skin, although painful, it was good because my body could only get so much from being attached to a bed for so long. I'm not sure I even remember anything but pain. I could only blame the shlenick for this never ending torture. Someday I fear I won't even feel the pain...