Like Having a Baby

Ant sat up in bed when he heard glass shattering somewhere downstairs. He looked over the other side of the bed and found that Lisa had woken up as well.

Lisa scooched closer to her husband and held onto his arm. "Ant, what's going on?"

Ant covered the hand wrapped on his arm and gave it a comforting squeeze. "I think there's someone downstairs. I'm gonna go and check it out." He tried to get off the bed, but Lisa's grip was too tight.

"No, it's dangerous. Let's just call the police, Ant," Lisa begged.

"I've got this, pet. I'm just gonna check it out." He untangled himself from his wife's hold and went over to his golf bag, taking one of the clubs as his weapon. He then tiptoed over to their bedroom door and placed a hand on the knob.

"Wait, I'm coming with you." Ant turned and saw Lisa already standing next to him, golf club in hand. He opened his mouth to argue, but Lisa raised a hand to stop him. "No, it's either I go with you or you don't go down at all."

Seeing as there was no point in arguing, Ant conceded to his wife's demand. "Okay, just try not to make too much noise, eh."

She nods her head and motions Ant to lead the way. Quietly, the two snuck downstairs. They followed what sounded like...crying? - which led them to their kitchen.

They crept along the wall leading to their kitchen, golf clubs raised over their heads and ready to strike. Ant stopped short of the kitchen doorway. He took a deep breath before he peaked around the corner to see where the intruder was.

A sigh of relief escaped him when he saw who the "intruder" was. There, sitting down cross-legged in the middle of their kitchen, was Dec, who was crying in front of what seemed to be a broken jar of jelly.

Ant lowered his golf club and told Lisa to do the same. Reluctantly, she did as she was told and took a look herself.

Upon seeing Dec, Lisa entered the kitchen and kneeled next to Dec, pulling him into an embrace. "Aw, Doolittle, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" she asked as she ran her hand through his hair.

"W-we didn't have jelly at h-home, so I came over to g-get some. I j-just wa-wanted to make a p-peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but I-I dropped the jar and it broke," Dec sobbed. The small man's breath stunk of alcohol, causing Lisa to wrinkle her nose.

Ant snorted, which earned him a disapproving look from Lisa. "Oh hush, Decky. I'll make you a sandwich, hon." She guided Dec off the floor and into a chair.

Ant cleaned up the mess. Luckily, they had another jar of jelly, so Lisa was able to make him his sandwich. She placed the plate in front of the intoxicated man, who happily ate it and quite messily.

Her husband was on the phone when she finished attending to Dec. She stood next to Ant as he talked.

"Hey Ali, you missing someone?...Hmmm, he's here...Yep, drunk off his ass...No, no, me and Lise will bring him over after he's done eating. You stay put, pet...alright, see you in a bit."

"It's like having a baby, Ant. Waking up in the early hours of the morning just to feed him."

"If babies get drunk and stumble into the kitchen, then yeah, it's almost like having a baby," Ant laughed. He hugged Lisa from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder. The couple looked fondly at their friend, who had just finished eating.

Suddenly, Dec sat up in attention before vomiting on the floor.

"Ewww...definitely like having a baby. Clean that up, hubs. I'll bring him to the living room." Lisa kissed Ant on the cheek. "Have fun cleaning up." She pats Ant's cheek. "Come on, Decky. Let's get you comfortable on the sofa for now."

Ant glared at Lisa as she led an inebriated Declan away from the kitchen. As he cleaned up in the kitchen, he heard Lisa in the hallway.

"Wait, no! Decky, don't puke here! Let's try to get to the bathr–Ew! Doolittle, why?"

"Definitely like having a baby." And Ant actually wouldn't have it any other way.