It never really were love, never been proper love. Maybe a little too much affection with those kisses on his collarbone from time to time and those snugging, but the contact of the brown boy occasionally put him at ease, as if reassured of something. Like a cocoon. Without falling into melodrama.
The odd had that the media attention were turned exclusively around him and Harry, PUDD they were called, but sometimes Dougie would like people to see what is actually happening. For Harry, this is entertainment, something to make them discuss about potentially something, but for Dougie, it was way more. In front of the cameras, he did not show it, preferring to push the'' advances'' his best friend was making, but instantly turns into something he could not break when they're off. As soon as they're alone, he would snug himself comfortably in the arms of his elder, driven by a primitive instinct. It was like this was the only place where he felt safe again.
Three days now they were on a writing trip somewhere lost in North Essex, a beautiful corner, very inspiring with the sea and its lighthouse lost to the horizon. Harry was traveling with his family at this time, could not be with them and it left a hole in Dougie's belly, he was not hooked, but good. It was like he had created a dependency a little less dangerous than alcohol. Specifically, he participated, recording his parts and laughing at jokes Daniel made, but mentally, it was like as if he was back in rehab, away from everyone, in his ordeal.
One evening, the eve of the arrival of Harry among them, a storm raised its sail on the horizon and if there was one thing he did not enjoy that much, it was storms, he could not sleep at night because of the winds and hailstones banging on his window. He even wondered how the others could sleep so well with all that noise. It was already past 3am when he decided to stand up and on tiptoe he goes to the little kitchen to make coffee. Yawning for the umpteenth time, he scanned the darkness outside and saw the light of one of the huts on the other side of the shore, they all thought they were abandoned, but seems like not since there's lights on three of them. He decided to look up at the stars, barely visible because it was so damn raining everywhere. Britain had never really known temperature like this, thank you global warming for that great show, but it fascinated the young man, perhaps even enough to make him forget the absence of Harry ... Oh Harry ...
« Hey Mate ... what are you doing? The kettle sounds so loud it could wake an army »
Danny's strong accent brought him out of his thoughts and he remembered the kettle on the fire, which does a lot of noise, whistling, dragging his feet on the floor, he went into the kitchen and always silent, he poured himself a cup of water well boiling, and he gives one to Dan before going on the sofa
« Sorry… I… I was a bit out of my mind. »
« Are you ok? »
« Yeah… basically »
« It's never only ''basically'' when it is 3am and your pleasure is to wake the whole house with a satan's kettle »
He smiled at Dan and he started to play with the handle of his cup. Not that he does not really want to talk to him, but it's almost that. He was so used to not share his problems with other people that he knew as easily how to create a story in a few seconds. He looked at Danny who prepared himself a coffee and he sighed, why bother to hide it anyway? His therapist had already said once that it's always good to talk and to keep something that is needed to be said was wrong. But still ...
« The storm, Dan. It's all about the storm that is louder than that damned Kettle. 'Couldn't sleep so I decided to come and make some coffee. »
« Oh ... But you could've come to my room ... Or Tom's... »
« That wasn't the same. I ... I need Harry's. »
That's it. He said it. And, then he would pass for an ungrateful friend who likes one of them more. That wasn't his fault if he prefers the musky odor of Harry instead of the sweet one of Tom or the masculine of Danny. Ok ... We usually never notice this stuff, he knows it, but it was hard, especially with Harry. He watched his friend sat next to him and, he smiled when he realized we could distinguish even in the dark, his freckles.
« You know, he comes home tomorrow. But in the meantime, we're here »
It definitely doesn't sound like a reproach, but Dougie had a twinge. As if Danny said he vowed a preference for the other brown, like a pang of jealousy, but he knew that it was definitely not the case. No, it was more out of pity?
« ... I ... I feel empty without him Dan ... This is not normal, not for me ... I ... I should not feel like that »
« Well ... You know, that's what I feel too when Georgia is not there ... And, also that's how Tom feels when he is away from Gi. This is love Doug... »
« But I'm not in love! Not with Harry! »
« Oh Dougie ... Please, I can read you like I can read a packet of crisps. »
The blond raised an eyebrow, he really never understood the reasoning of his friend, but he was sure of one thing, he lied. He was not in love with Harry. No. He felt the bromance, like their fans like to call them, nothing more; it was still the one who taught him to shave anyway! He loved Harry like the big brother that he secretly wanted. And, he was not gay! He liked girls ...
« Doug ... We talk about love when everything that is in our mind is the person we love, sometimes we fell for someone we didn't imagine we could fall for ... But you may have to not go against that feeling there. We can pass them, after a while I guess, but not necessarily immediately. Sometimes, it's uh ... Platonic, at other times, you just need to imagine you away from this person for a long while to realize that eventually we would be lost without him or her ... And, I say that not only for a woman, it really can be anyone ... no matter if we're gay or not »
« But I'm not gay… »
« Dougs … you can't decide for your brain. It's just an orientation, something you can't discuss… »
« Dan ... You should really let go of coffee at night, 'make you talk like ... Tom ... »
The thought that Danny and Tom have been more than just friend brushed his thoughts, but he didn't ask anything, tormented by his own problems. He sighed, trying to find a hidden blotch of coffee and finding none, he put his cup in the sink.
« Gon' go sleep »
« night, sleep thigh Dougs and don't forget Harry arrives at noon tomorrow! »
« thanks Dan. And Piss off »
YOU ARE READING
February Air
FanfictionDougie's in love with Harry, but he's trying to denied it. He's straight as an Ironing table. Is he's sure enough about that? PUDD Slash DP x HJ Fluffy Stuff
