Clexa AU °Safe Haven° [#Wattys2016]

Chapter 1: And that's how it all begins

Lexa's POV

"Why did you really do it, miss Woods?" The hospital psychologist asks me once again, for the 5th time since they have brought me here.
"I told you," I say through grit teeth, looking straight forward, my fingers clutching the white sheets around me. "It was an accident. It will never happen again."

"If it was an accident, there wouldn't be people that saw you standing on the roof for 10 minutes before you jumped," she repeats the same sentence as 4 times before. "I understand there was no one to help you. But now, we can offer you a professional help. You can stay here, there are other people like y-"
"I DID NOT JUMP," I yell, "as I told you, I fell down. It was an accident."

The young woman keeps looking at me, her eyes still calm. I refuse to look at her directly but I can see little movement from the corner of my eye. "Well, when you're ready to talk about it, tell the nurses, they'll get me. Bye for now, Lexa."
She gets up and leaves an empty chair next to my hospital bed. After I hear the door closed I distract myself from that long stare at the white wall that's standing opposite me and rub my eyes with the back of my hand. I know that something's wrong with me, people. I know it. But I don't wanna talk about it. It's too soon.

It was late morning and I was at school again.  I was depressed, like always - the most irritating thing was that everyone else around me was happy. Smiles were everywhere, all I heard was laughs of the people I used to hate and in my heart, there was nothing but emptiness. I couldn't even remember the last time I was truly happy; it must've been pretty long time ago.

Sun was shining through the windows, light filling up the whole classroom. My hands were cold, although I was covered up in 3 layers of warm clothing and everyone else was in T-shirt. I couldn't remember my last food, eating became useless for me. My stomach was roaring with emptiness and so was I. Lexa Woods, the girl that used to feel so alive, the miserable girl who now looks like a great mess. But what happened to her? Everything. And nothing.

Few people died, nothing special. People die everyday, everywhere around the world, why should I care if anyone dies in my life? One day, I will be dead too. And that's okay.

Maybe I should be dead now. It's not like I'm important anymore, I have no purpose, no one needs me in their life. So why hesitate?
I got up from behind my desk, taking my backpack and going out of the classroom. As I thought, no one even noticed that I left. The hallways were empty, loud echo of people's laughs sounding all around the place.

It was time for another class so everyone was waiting inside their little room, probably talking about boring stuff in their groups. I bet there was some new amazing rumor that everyone had to share with each other. But what's the point of rumors? It makes people sad. Not only the people that are a part of that rumor, mostly it's the person who started it in the first place. There's a huge problem in our society, we believe that those poisonous rumors and hurtful words are keeping us alive but in fact, they're slowly killing us from the inside.

I was standing on the highest top of my mostly flat school. I didn't know how I've gotten there, my legs just brought me to the place I wanted the most.

'This is the only chance, Lexa.' My mind was telling me. 'Just jump and everything will be over. You won't feel empty, there will be nothing to bother you. You will be free.'

But there was another, quieter voice, whispering that my life still can be livable. But how? There's no one to fill me up again. If only I had one hole; but I have more. I stopped counting.

My toes were over the edge; my eyes were glued to the sky above me. It was beautiful.

'Maybe you'll meet mom there. Dad.' The stronger voice in my head whispered again. 'Costia.'
I closed my eyes. It felt so comfortable to shut the whole world down, breathing thin cold air which was burning my cheeks. The corners of my lips formed to a little smile. It was the first time after everything happened. First real, honest smile.

I was ready. I stepped into the nothing and felt how everything was moving around me. It was really fast but it felt like eternity; warming feeling of the end, everything disappearing in front of my closed eyes. My life was projecting on my eyelids, my soul was ready to leave.

But then I hit the cruel reality and blackness surrounded me.

I flinch at the sound of opening door. My hands are immediately back alongside my weak body and a familiar face catches my eyes. There's a woman I've already seen once; she was the one who sat next to me in the ambulance car. Her light brown hair are pulled off in a ponytail, two small tendrils falling to her face. She has some papers in her hand, her glasses hanging on her neck; she looks casual, almost like she's not a doctor. But she is - and she's here to keep me in this sick hospital full of sick people. I don't belong here.

"Hi Lexa," she says with kind voice. "How are you?"
Well, I didn't expect that. No one has asked me how I was going here. "Uh.. Bad? I guess," I say, focusing on the glasses. "Tell me, in what sort of mood human can be when he's locked up in a hospital."

She looks in the papers she brought and sits down on the chair that's still warm from the previous woman. She puts the glasses on her nose and now I have nothing to look at. Great. "So you lost your parents in a car accident," she says straight up, no mercy in her tone. "You were in the back of the car with one other girl. Am I right?" She looks up at me and now I'm forced to look in her eyes.

"Yes," I say emotionlessly. "Everyone died. I survived. How lucky am I?"
"Actually, you're not that lucky," she whispers, her look caressing my soul. She sounds so mother like it almost hurts. But nothing hurts anymore. "My husband died in a car accident too. You're right, I wasn't there, I wasn't a witness of it. But at least I can understand your pain better."

I open my mouth slightly, powerless against my small shock. I'm more shocked that there's still some emotion inside me. "How did you deal with it?"
"I didn't. It has been 2 years and I'm still not over it," she sighs, "you just.. Get used to it. It needs time."
"But what if there's no time left?" I say, turning my sight to my hands, watching my fingers move.

"There is. Trust me, there is."
She takes her papers as she gets up from the small chair. I see the door are opening again, this time elder man walking in. He goes straight to the female, almost like I'm not here.

"So she can stay at room 122 at Adult Psychiatry Department-"
"That's not necessary," she interrupts him, giving him the papers she's been holding. "I'll take her to my place."

The old doctor's eyes widen, staring at her like she's gone insane. "Excuse me?"
"I'm taking her to my place. She doesn't need to stay here."
He shakes his head in disagreement but she stops him with her raised hand. "I can take care of her," she says, "and I don't need your opinion, I'm in charge here."

After short pause of exchanging intense looks, he finally takes the papers and looking at them, he nods. "Alright Abby," he says, "take her home."

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Hello again! I guess I'm back. I hope you'll like this story as much as circumstances, it will be a completely different so don't be afraid that you'll read the same thing twice.
Anyway, let me know what you think about this concept in the comments and vote if you liked the chapter!