Chapter 11 – P.S I Love You…
^Dear Duck... I am sorry that I have been acting weird. It's just the pressure. no! That's wrong I have to be more sensitive! I think I really hurt her – Oh come on Fakir! Show your sensitivity!^ Fakir rubbed his forehead as he sat at his desk that cold morning. He looked up out of the frost coated window at the girl's dorm, at Duck's window; he watched Rue comfort her as she broke down into tears last night through that window. A sharp prick of regret rippled through his gut.
^I don't understand why this is so difficult for me…^ he tried to write again but could never write down the right words he yelled in frustration and scribbled all over the paper before scrunching it up and throwing it over his shoulder
He held his head in his hands and groaned while he ran his hands through his hair and pulled at it lightly. Fakir was never an atheist nor a religious person but being stuck in this sort of situation never made him feel comfortable; a churning of the stomach due to excessive feelings of attraction, disappointment and regret, and so he began to pray.
"Please, god or whoever the heck is up there – please listen to me and just please…" he began to cry a little, "please, help me… the odds have never been in my favour; ever since I was a child all I have been granted with is bad luck, my parents' death it has been one tragedy after another," he collapsed his head onto the table, "I don't know how much more of this I can take! Just please make this idiocy cease! Make it stop!"
*Dear Fakir… I'm not sure how to put this really, I've never written a letter before. I watched you dance that pas de deux with Rue yesterday; wow you guys are really good and really connected as dancers… no I can't write that he would think I'm some sort of weirdo or something – not that he already doesn't though…* Duck sighed and screwed up the piece of rose tinted paper and threw it beside her bed. She looked up out of the frost coated window at the boy's dorm, at Fakir's window; she remembers the time when Fakir had taken her off the streets and let her sleep in his bed as a duck. A sharp prick of bittersweet remembrance rippled through her gut. *Why is this so hard!* she rolled over onto her back and stared at the light blue ceiling thoughtfully.
She looked over to Rue's bed which looked as if no one had slept in it for a long time; the sheets crisply folded and clean, Rue had left the academy for the Christmas weekend to take care of Mytho who apparently hasn't made any progress in becoming more healthy according to Charon, the room was always much quieter and gloomier when Rue wasn't here – which was often. She would bring chocolate and ribbons for Duck's hair from the small French shop across the road from Charon's house as gifts to make Duck feel more at home. Duck felt herself getting more and more relaxed thinking about Rue's return. Duck drifted off to sleep. Her pen hit the floor.
Duck walked through the darkness trying to look around she couldn't see anything, "hello? Anyone there?" she squinted and saw a tiny white glowing light in the far distance, "hello!" She started jogging towards the white light and then sprinting; the light began to get closer and closer.
Duck stood in front of a large glowing white door; it seemed plastic and fake and had embossed swirl patterns on it. Duck looked up at it and saw a silver knocker in the shape of a swan; she looked at it and hesitantly grasped the cool metal and banged on the door three times. It echoed into silence. Nothing happened. She reached for the knocker again. Three muffled knocks came from the other side. She looked around and then ran around to the edge of the door and peered around to the back of it; nothing there just more black void. She walked around to the front again and mustered up her courage, "hello? Is anyone home!" the doors swung open and a fierce white light blinded Duck. She shielded her eyes.
A tall slim figure stood in the doorway; silhouetted by the intense light. It beckoned her into the light, Duck seemed inquisitive, "huh? Do you want me to follow you?" the figure turned and walked away into the pallid darkness, "wait! Where are you going?" she ran after the figure for what seemed to be roughly five minutes.
