I'll Make This Perfect Again

One

Did you ever fall in love with your best friend? Did you learn your feelings for them weren't exactly platonic just in time for them to find love elsewhere? What if your best friend was a male, just like you, and he was gay, too, but he didn't like you like that? What if he had had a secret boyfriend for a year and told only you about it and no one else? What if they finally broke up and his ex spread around the school he was gay, effectively outing him to everyone, just to have everyone in the school look down on him and bully him? What would you do? Would you stay around to help him through everything, always being by his side though it caused you so much pain, just to be there for him, or would you give up and leave him, too, for your own sake?

This is the story of my life with Baekhyun, the boy of my dreams, who's bullied every single day, sometimes it's just a mean joke, some days it's a cruel comment, and other days it's someone stealing his clothes during his shower after gym class, so he had absolutely nothing to wear, and the worst days are when he's actually beaten up, and I find him alone in a corner somewhere, curled into a ball with a black eye and a busted lip.

I swore to myself I'd never leave him, no matter how hard it got for me to see him, but it was becoming too much for me. All the bullying had started at the end of our sophomore year, but we were seniors now, and he was still given the same treatment. Even new students learned about the 'school faggot' and never lost an opportunity to pick on him. I had become his shoulder to lean on, the person that would never judge him, hold his hand when someone said something mean, shield him from stares when his clothes were stolen, tend to his injuries when he was beaten, and hold him at night when he cried himself to sleep. I hated that I had thought to myself multiple times that it was time for me to leave him too, that my heart just couldn't take it anymore, being there for him in whatever way he needed, only to receive nothing in return except his small thank you's that just weren't enough anymore.

I was supposed to make everything perfect again, but I didn't know how much longer I could keep it up.

♥사랑해♥

Another week was flying by, the few incidents with Baekhyun were nothing that he hadn't experienced before and were just things like people pushing him against his locker and calling him a fag or yelling some rude remark at him in the hall. He'd had a pretty good week and in return, I had as well. And now that it was Friday, I was hoping we could keep up the streak.

Since he'd been dealing really well and was okay to be alone, I had spent the week sleeping at my own place. My parent's understood his situation and sympathized with how hard it was for him to deal sometimes, so they never opposed me staying at his house for weeks on end, as long as I called to tell them how he was doing and if either of us needed anything. Baekhyun's parents treated him well, too, knowing what happened and how he was treated at school, but I think they just didn't know how to help, and so pushed all the responsibility to me to help their son through all his problems.

But they didn't know the lengths my help ran. Most often it was just me hugging him or cuddling with him, rubbing his back and whispering calming words to him so he would stop crying. Sometimes it was nursing him when a bully got physical with him and he ended up with injuries. And a lot of times it was holding him all night so he could sleep peacefully, knowing nothing could happen to him if he was wrapped up in my arms. These were all things that both his parents and my parents knew about. The things they didn't know about happened more often than I would like to admit and sometimes left me feeling ashamed of myself or mad at myself for letting it happen. Sometimes he asked me to kiss him, ranging from just a peck on the lips to a full-on makeout session. Sometimes he asked me to touch him, something to tell him that not everyone thought about him the way the bullies at school did; that someone could actually be gentle and caring to him. And sometimes he wanted to have sex and more often than not, he dominated. While I was always the top, he held complete control and I did everything he wanted, just to appease him and let him know that he could control something in his life. But I usually felt awful afterwards, feeling like I was taking advantage of him in a vulnerable situation, and even worse when I realized that he never held the same kind of attachment in his heart to these moments like I did; I had long since realized he didn't feel the same way about me as I did him, and I refused to bring it up.