I'll Make This Perfect Again

Three

When all this started, all the bullying and cruel jokes, I honestly didn't think it would last beyond a month or two before the kids at school found some new scandal to pique their interest. I never would've guessed that it would carry on for three years, eventually pushing Baekhyun out of school altogether. And had I been told that it would've resulted in me leaving him from being too overwhelmed and him cutting himself, I would've thought you were crazy. But here we are now, lying in Baekhyun's bed together, again, him passed out and his wrist bandaged up.

I wanted to hate Baekhyun. If I had hated him, my life would be so much easier. But I can't blame him for me being in this situation. I didn't have anybody to blame. I couldn't even blame myself. I didn't ask to fall in love with Baekhyun. I didn't ask for Ji Joon to break up with him and spread rumors about him throughout the school. I didn't ask for every student in school to pick on him. All of this must have happened for a reason; I just didn't know what that reason was yet.

I felt Baekhyun shuffling beside me, waking up from his two-hour-long nap. Even after all this time, he still made my heart skip a beat everytime I watched him wake up.

"You're still here?" he asked, seemingly surprised of my presence.

"I said I would be. Did you really think I'd lie to you?"

"No. But you left once before and there's not much reason for you to stay."

"Yes, there is. I love you, Baekhyun. Don't you think that's reason enough?" He just shrugged his shoulders, looking away from me and playing with his fingers. "Is that why you cut yourself? Because I left and you thought I didn't love you anymore?"

"I just felt so alone. You've been with me through everything for three years and when you left," his voice cut out and I could see the tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes. "It was like being broken up with all over again, but this time I didn't have anyone to help."

"You're never alone, Baekhyun. Even if I didn't come back, you still have your parents. They love you, too and would never want anything to happen to you."

"It's not the same. They're just my parents. They don't make me feel the way you do."

"And what way is that?"

"Safe. Loved. Like I can do anything as long as you're with me. I can get out of bed and face the world everyday because you're beside me. I didn't realize everything you do for me until you weren't here to do them."

"Do you understand why I left?"

"Yes. I know I was selfish. I even knew I was acting like that, but you let me. At a certain point, I gave up trying to do anything to help myself, because I knew you'd stay even if I was broken."

"I love you, Baekhyun, no matter what, but I love the old you more. The you that was always happy and loved life. The you didn't like to ask for help with anything because you were determined to do everything yourself. I loved your persistence and drive. I can't do everything for you. You need to find out how to get your old self back. If not for me, then for your parents. And for you."

"I'm sorry, Chanyeol. Can you ever forgive me?"

"I already have. I understand how it feels to want to give up. And even though I did, I came back. Now I need you to."

"I'll try. For you, I'll try."

♥사랑해♥

"When can I come over and see Baekhyun?" Kris had somehow found the most opportune time to call me: while Baekhyun was in the shower. Thankfully he didn't ask me to accompany him. I think for the last few days he was really trying to make an effort to not be so dependent on me.