Battling Depression

Day 1

That is how I think of everyday. Just day 1, 2, 3. I just get through the the days, not thinking about yesterday or tomorrow because if I do, the crippling pain will come again. The pain of my little brothers death.

He was playing basketball in the driveway when the ball rolled out to the street. He went to go get it, and a driver hit him. It was last year, but every time I think of it, I fell like my heart is being ripped out.

He was only 8 when he died. Today would be his 9th birthday. We aren't really doing anything. My mom is going out for drinks and my dad is probably at "work" meaning with another slut of his. Jayden was the one who kept this dysfunctional family together. But when he died, we fell apart. My dad started going on longer "business trips" (him sleeping with sluts) and my mom started going out drinking almost every night.

Me, I spiraled into depression. My grades went down, some days I skipped school and just sat home and cried. My parents didn't care enough to to help me to get medicine, so I was in serious depression. Some days I just sat in bed, writing out my suicide notes, thinking of how I would kill myself drug overdose, cutting myself, hanging myself? But what always kept me grounded was me saying 'would Jayden want me to kill myself?' And the answer was always NO.

He wouldn't have wanted that for me, he would want me to be happy and move on. But how can I move on if the glue that held this family together was dead?

I went to his funeral. Not my mom, not my dad, me. I heard the minister talking about how good of a life Jayden had and how he was a good boy. I wanted to scream at him "You don't know shit about Jayden! You haven't even met him!" But I just sat there, dead to the world.

There were plenty of people who came up to me saying "I'm sorry for your loss" or "the pain will lesson with time." Well news flash, it's not working.

Some people should say that I should be easier on my parents, but I don't want to be. I fell like its easier to put the blame on someone and it helps a little.

The man that ran over Jayden was texting and driving. I wanted to strangle him m when I saw his picture on the news. He was arrested for 'Reckless Driving' but posted bail the next day. I have never wanted to throw a chair at someone this much before.

Hopefully the pain will lesson, but I'm not sure.

Okay thanks for reading, FYI, I'm not actually depressed and this story is entirely made up, I don't even have a brother. But if you are actually depressed, please get help. Thanks! I'm sorry if this was such a bad story, but there will be more like day 2 and day 3 and stuff. If you want mor like days 4,5,6 just comment and tell me. :)