Hello, my name is Jazzie,I am about 8 years old. I'm not who I used to be...
I'm having problems,I'm getting bullied.
It was a day after Halloween and I am scared when I wake up because I yanked out all my eyelashes. I am worried what mom and dad will do. I tried so hard to avoid my mom while she was exercising on the treadmill but she finds out when I walk by. She takes my hand away from my face. Oh no she's yelling at me she tells me that she's gonna tell my dad.. I am even more terrified! I try to hide but it doesn't work.. He grabs me and hits me with the belt 6 times. I cry and cry.. My mom doesn't do anything,she just sits at the table and eats. I cry myself to sleep that night.. I am nervous because I have to go to school. I go sit down at my desk avoiding eye contact with anyone in my way. I don't talk to anyone that day. I come home worried but when I walk into the room i see my dad sleeping,I felt relieved.
Later on in the school year the people at my school find out and start making fun of me for it. All I do is smile to try to act like everything was ok and it didn't hurt me. I get nervous and scared to go home because my dad will hit me and yell at me.. Everyday I come home it's the same thing over and over again 6 whippings with the belt sometimes more or less and says "no one cares about you!" With so much anger. All I do is sit there and cry for hours, hoping it will get better.. It was a sunny summer day and my dad hits me 6 times again and this time decides to tie my hands behind my back with rope. When I went to go drink some milk,I walked to my room to drink it and accidentally drop it. I leave it there just in case anyone cared enough to help out and clean it up for me. It's been 20 minutes later and my dad wakes up from his nap. He walks out with the belt yelling at me to clean up the milk I spilled. I immediately get up and run over there to clean it up "no one cares about you! No one will defend you!" I smile acting like I didn't care but deep down I was screaming but quietly. Later that night while everyone is asleep I get up from my bed and walk to the window and stare at that one star I always did before I went to sleep and asked god to help me grow my eyelashes back and to make my dad stop. Then I walked back to my bed and went to sleep. Days pass and nothing happens, its all the same! Slowly and slowly I start to lose hope,stop believing in god,and start becoming angry at him.. I started having suicidal thoughts,I started to hate everything and everyone,and I would start to scratch myself whenever I was mad or sad. My parents thought it was all for attention but it wasn't. I did it because I saw a white girl on tv that looked like she didn't have any eyelashes and I did it because I thought I would look just as beautiful as she did,I was wrong.. After days,weeks,and months I just couldn't stop yanking my eyelashes! There was so much drama between my cousin and me and I would get bullied a lot that I couldn't stop. I would take it all on myself. My parents would tell me that my teacher said that she thought I was crazy and that I needed to stop.. I felt so lonely and betrayed. I went through all that stuff everyday when I got back from school. It was a daily routine. Sometimes I would just sit on my bed waiting for it to happen.
It was picture day,I was wearing a white dress with flowers on it. It was my turn,I walked over there to get my picture taken,I tried my hardest to smile.
Later that year they started to grow back but then I started yanking them out,again. Whenever we visited a family member I would always be talked about. They would always talk about me not having eyelashes. Every time they did that it would trigger me to keep doing it. Every time my parents kept telling everyone in the family the longer it would take for them to grow back. It felt like they were telling the whole world about me. It felt like this torture would never end! I kept praying for it to get better but nothing would happen. I became angrier and angrier. Then I would start to take it out on my little brother. One day I got worried because I accidentally punched him in the nose and he started bleeding. I got worried because I kept thinking "I'm becoming a monster just like my parents!" I would yell at him and say "no one cares about you! No one cares if you died! I hope you die! Everyone hates you! I wish you were never born!" One day when I said that ,I saw a tear rolling down his cheek,I felt so guilty and sad. I just couldn't control myself! I had so much hatred towards my parents because they would always hug him and kiss him,I felt jealous that he was getting the love I never got. When one of my uncles came over my whole family went outside with him. It was a hot sunny summer day. My mom was carrying my uncles baby,I was wearing some black sunglasses and my mom said "look at that ugly girl!" I was hurt,I tried not to cry in front of them... It was like that all year. People that one of my cousins knew would call me ugly all the time,in my face... Whenever my dad would hit me I would always try to avoid wearing shorts so it wouldn't hurt as much. Sometimes he would just randomly hit me when I would wear shorts,I would just cry. I would scream out "STOP!" He wouldn't listen.. I would always cry when I would take a shower looking at the bruises he left me and the red marks he would leave on my butt and thighs. As time passed my eyelashes started to grow back in the beginning of 4th grade. My torture has stopped,I was much happier. I was just never happy with life again...
