The lights are out. The crowd is screaming. And I'm frozen. Three letters on a rectangular stage. R E D. Red. It starts flashing. Once. The screams intensify. Twice. I take a deep breath. Three. Four. Five more times. It flashes a sixth time and it feels like the world pauses, just for a moment. Finally, the seventh flash and the music starts, the words gleam a multitude of colors. The song I've listened to a million times before through my headphones and now, it's happening right in front of me. It's not just me singing alone this time. There's other people, thousands of people singing the same song. We are all so excited, yet no one is even on the stage yet, just a voice flooding through the space like water after a dam breaks. Then, there's a silhouette. It's just barely there behind the crimson curtain, but it grows. And it becomes clearer. Until suddenly, it's not a shadow. It's her. She is there. Less than a hundred feet away singing my favorite songs.
We all have those songs. Those artists we look up to. And when they're right in front of us, it's like a light has flickered on. The reasoning behind why we listen to this person's thoughts. Their creations. Why we take time out of our day to watch the videos they produce. The reminder is there. Because the happiness you feel when seeing that person up on that stage is breathtaking. I saw Taylor Swift on her RED Tour in 2013. And the memories are still there.
I went to another concert. The very next year. We were in the car on the drive there. I could feel the nerves settling in my stomach as I thought about what is ahead. We got to the venue and had to wait outside until the doors opened. There was merchandise to buy and other fans to watch. But then people were screaming. I was confused, because why were they screaming if we weren't even in the concert arena yet? But I saw the black cars arriving and I understood. There they were, arriving in separate cars right next to us. It soon ended, hardly had even started and everyone was buzzing. "I saw his head!" "He waved to me!" "There he was!" Chatter was all around me and I was smiling.
We made it into the venue, through both opening acts and I was ready. My heart was beating faster than was probably normal. The opening video started and my best friend is crying next to me. It hits me. They are here. About to show up and I wasn't prepared. The five boys appear. one has balloons on his guitar since it's his birthday. Another sings just one line of the first song. "Straight off the plane to a new hotel." And holds his mic at his side. The screams are deafening, but somehow it sounds silent. The world is moving in slow motion and everything is muted.
It captivated me. The way they had the crowd in the palm of their hands. Just with a single lyric. the music starts up again and the song continues. This was in 2014. The One Direction 'Where We Are Tour'.
As I would reminisce on the concerts, I would think about that feeling. The feeling of performing. The rush of adrenaline. The fear of screwing up in front of this huge crowd. And I wondered how these people could do it. They went on worldwide tours. Shows almost every night and all I did was one show. One night. One time. The 8th grade Christmas program. I had a main part. I was prepared. We had been practicing for over a month and a half and I wasn't nervous. There was that small part repeating a mantra of 'don't forget your lines. don't forget your lines.' But other than that. I was fine. I felt like I could actually do this, which, was odd. I can't hold a 30 second conversation with someone without feeling like I want to go dump my head in the sewer, but I can get up on this stage in front of at least a hundred people and not feel a single thing.
On that stage, you can play a part. You can be someone you aren't and there's a sense of freedom to that. You don't have to show your true colors, because the person you're playing is not you. It's why, I think, those people can get up on that stage every night. They can play the part of the singer/performer, no matter what is going on in their life. You leave all that backstage once you emerge from behind the curtain. You have security. That security you feel as if you can't take off of that stage. But, you can. Play the part of yourself. Don't hide behind a character, because it will please the critics. The critics don't matter. Your peers, your friends, your family, anyone in touch with you, they are your critics. If they judge you for what you are doing in the play of your life, then block them out. Start now. This is Act One, Scene One, and the script is yours to write.
