4.48 Psychosis

The Doctor

You have friends. You have lots of friends. What do you offer your friends to make them so supportive? What do you offer!

Don’t stare I didn’t tell you to stare, why are you looking at me like that, what do you know?

All these possibilities ran through my mind, as I found myself in the warmth of a cosy waiting room.

“Miss Sarah, Doctor Gates will see you now.” shouted the receptionist from her office.

I slowly pushed and shoved my way through the pale looking children, and their mothers, whom had parts of hair sticking into all directions and what seems like tomato soup stains down their tops. Let’s just hope they are tomato soup stains.

I walked into the office and looked at the happy chappy sitting at his desk not giving a shit about his life. Well at least he hasn’t lost everything he worked and lived for. He had his family, his kids, his wife, his mother, but me I had nothing.

“Oh Hello misses…?”

“Not misses, Miss Sarah.” I managed to blurt out trying not to show the anger which boiled inside of me.

“Ahhhh Miss Sarah I will like to introduce myself I am-“he was cut off by me

“Yes I know who you are…… I know exactly who you are.” I blurted through gritted teeth. My blood boiled even more and my face turned as bright as a tomato.

Why was I angry? Why?

I don’t need him I don’t need anyone else, I can help myself,  I can get better, I don’t need hospitals or doctors, I need me!

By my red looking face he realised how angered and uncomfortable I was and offered me a drink. He asked me to come through a door which was next to his desk. I was terrified, what was he doing. He gave me a reassuring smile and I followed him. There was a chair. One chair. I was so confused. He sat me down onto the small, fragile chair as he walked out the room. Suddenly, there was a bright white light, which enlightened the dark dingy room.

“Have you made any plans.” his voiced sounded dominant

“Take an overdose, cut my wrists, then hang myself.”

“It wouldn’t possibly work.”

“Of course it would.” I said raising my tone o show I wasn’t going to be a push over.

“No it wouldn’t.” his voiced grew louder this time, which cause shivers to crawl up spine.

“You would feel tired form the overdose and you wouldn’t have enough energy to cut your wrists.” His was so loud and I felt like I was being punished.

His loud voice brought back horrible memories of my childhood. You see…… my childhood was more like a nightmare than a dream; those were the days were I would hide in my room and cry till my eyes bled. I would hate the last school bell ring, watching all the little children being happy to go home. I didn’t want to go home; my mother abused me. I felt like a punching bag with her around.

I…………………….I……………………..I……………….

I was disturbed brutally out of my trail of thoughts, as I heard a loud whistle being blown in to my ear by him.

He stared at me and passed dirty looks every time I would glance up at him. After a moment of silence the room became airy, until he spoke.

“Well……. I told you something aren’t you going to react to that.” He stared at me, intensely.

“I will it loose around my NECK!” I shouted at the top of my voice. I ran out of the small claustrophobic room and sprinting out of the surgery without making eye contact with anybody and nobody.