Writer:Sean T. Morton
Editor:Kim Lee Homme
Publisher:Austin C. Garcia
Why can't I be at peace with all parts of my family. The pack is at everybody's throat. The wolf next to you, you can't trust them. The minute you trust the one next to you, you get bit in the back. Sometimes it's best to be alone, but then what if a hurt family pack member calls out to you. If you go help you might just get in trouble. It will put your back against the wall. Everybody ready to jump to rip your throat out. You might just leave them which in time you'll end up in the same spot. There is no way out except to change, the helper that nobody wants to hurt or the wolf in the shadows that kills.
Always ready to kill never to be tempered with. You change your coat go to a new family, but you will always remember what you left. So do you stay and collect scares or leave and be called a cat. All I want is to be left alone but I don't want to hurt anybody but they all seem to be after me. I can't even trust my brothers the ones who will help or protect me. The best way is to trust no one except your girlfriend. She seems to be always there to help but you still watch her closely give a little trust but not all. She says you'll have a bed where she is but you will not go. She dosen't know why but will not ask. Your glad she doesn't because you don't want to tell her why. When you're angry ready to kill, she is there to help calm me.
You get out and walk around in the cold, thinking, wondering why is this happening to me. I did what my mom and dad always ask some of it might of been too much. The only thing you can do is ask other people who have met only one parent. You wish you could ask someone else for help but they don't know what your going though. If you don't like them you don't tell them anything. So what do you do stay and show the bite mark to the future members of your pack or do you leave and be called a coward. So what do I do, I ask you. I hope you can help me.
Don't believe I will trust you at first I might give you a little, but not all. You must earn that trust some way through hard work or always be there for me. Which I might not go to you very much, I don't like getting help. To me that's weakness, that's what a coward does. I am not a coward or at least I don't believe.
If you help someone I don't like or don't trust, I won't ever trust you, I will always hate you and never trust you. Even if your the law. If you ever come to me for help or for any type of questions you will have to go somewhere else. You wont be able to get anything out of me even if you threaten death. I will tell you that I welcome it with open arms. Then I will smile. One of mockery.
One that you should fear. Unless you threaten my girlfriend then I will talk. Then after you let me go I will hunt you and your family down and kill them one by one until you're the last one left. You won't like what I will do to you. Don't ever cross me.
Even after all that I might find peace in the woods I long for. It's been so long since I have been there. The cold all around, the smell of pine covering all other smell. No smog no other cars just me and the dogs. Trying to find a track on the powder snow. Find a bear, bobcat, coon, or a mountain lion. I can't leave I must stay to stick to the law and to take care of my dad who's sick, close to death. Every day I can smell it on him when he wakes up. It doesn't bother me that much. I look at him not with fear but with pity now. Now he can't do anything to hurt me or he will get hurt.
Now that I'm stronger. I have more to do at the house. To make it easier on him. At the same time I don't want want to do more I want him to take care of his part but he can't.
He gets mad at me for doing a bad job. My girlfriend sees it happen. Two male wolves going at it. One old, smart, and fat. The other young, dumb and very strong ready to fight. Sitting both very strong willed. Both stubborn. After they get done arguing both fists clenched. She helps the younger one calm down. Comforting him. She can see his tension. How his shoulders are always flexing, his hand cold as ice, his back straight, His breath is deep long, eyes hard and cold as dry ice. But she can melt them, she can relax him, she can warm his hands. Then she gets the person she wants to date, the idiot. Who tries to make her laugh at the expense of his bone and muscles.
She gets the playful side the one everyone knows. The one she calls a idiot, but laughs at him. She worries because that side will hurt him. But she takes that side more than any other. That side is there to please her. that side makes her laugh. that side would rather have her laugh and be safe then the body its in.
This side I have control of, but the rest I conceal or walk outside to the cool air. This side is the hardest to control. Anger. The hardest to control. That's when the wolf in the shadows comes out ready to hurt, maim, and kill. You and I must watch this side because I can lose control. Afterwards I might regret what I have done but I couldn't do anything.
As I said that I can't control that side, I had wished my dad would die. Now look what's going on, his lungs fill up with blood. He's heading up to Mercy Hospital in Redding. I have to deal with the stress. So I will end it with I don't know what I should do. Looks like the wolf in the shadows won.
The Young Wolf Worries
The older wolf descends into darkness, madness.
The young wolf worries.
He worries how long he has until he has no one to provide for him. He worries how long before he is out in the wilderness alone.
He now has a shewolf. She will help him get through it. Will he be able to provide for them both? Can he work at home and at school so they will have enough? What about college? Will they go together?
Or part?
