A week came and went. I hear the birds chirping and the constant chatter of students as they walked past my apartment. I hear the sound of cars stuck in a motorway.
Life goes on as I try to recover from heartbreak. Time doesn't wait for me to recover, it simply goes on even without me.
I'm a mess as I look around me dirty apartment. I stopped cleaning and barely manage to feed myself. I spent days on my bed just hiding from the rest of the world. I broke up with Elizabeth, and now Sebastian broke it off with me. I have nothing.
I hear phone buzz but I don't bother to check my messages. Over the week, I have received many messages and calls from my friends who are concerned with my sudden disappearance, but I ignore them all.
What could I have said?
My doorbell rings, indicating that someone is outside the door. I pull the duvet over my head. I really don't want visitors right now. The doorbell keeps ringing much to my frustration.
Pissed, I fling the duvet aside and stomp to the door. "I'm coming," I grumble as I open the door.
"Surprise!" My friend Alois stands before me holding a bag full of beer. Alois stops to gape at me. "Ciel! What on earth is happening to you? O.M.G you look like death has just paid a visit." He brushes past me and steps into my apartment. With a sigh I close the door.
"Not really in the mood for a visitor right now, Alois." I grit my teeth. Alois merely waves his hand at me.
"Nonsense. You are a bleeding mess and you need someone to pull you back together in one piece." He perches hiself on a barstool and opens a can of beer. "Is this because of Elizabeth? We heard about your break up," he says before taking a healthy swig from the can.
"Wait Elizabeth said that? What did she say?" I ask as I join Alois by the table and grab a can of beer.
"Just that you guys aren't together anymore. We heard you dumped her. Believe me, our friends are pretty pissed at you right now. Elizabeth hasn't been herself lately. She stop attending cheerleading practices and ditches classes which is bad. You know she needs to get good grades."
I avert my eyes from him and look at my trembling hands sitting on my lap. "Are you mad at me?"
"Depends. Why'd you dump her? You two were like a perfect match: Elizabeth is such a great girl and she's always so kind so, your break up came as an uproar to us. You left a decent girl that would take care of you forever, Ciel. Are you sure you won't regret this?"
I nod. That one is resolute. I know I can never be with Elizabeth even if I'm no longer with Sebastian. It's too cruel on her. She deserves someone who would cherish her.
"I...I love someone else, Alois," I whisper. There's silence in the apartment and I tilt my head up to see Alois looking at me incredulously.
"Huh, I guess that's the answer. I'm surprised. You don't love. You told me before you don't like the emotional drama and blah blah. What changed your mind?"
"I know. I didn't believe in it until I met him. I met the only person who was able to swallow me whole and steal my heart. He was the one for me, Alois."
"Then you should be happy. Why are you moping here like the world has just ended? You're not the one with a broken heart."
I can't help it. Memories of Sebastian brings tears to my eyes and I start to sniffle again.
"Because he rejected me. He refuses to deal with this whole love thing either. So he ended it with me." I feel Alois' hand on my back and he rubs me gently like a mother comforting a child.
"Oh Ciel, I'm so sorry to hear that. Who is this bastard you speak of? How can anybody not like you,hmm? You're so sweet."
"Sebastian." I cry. "It was our English professor." Alois' hand stills on back before he grabs my shoulders.
"Holy shit, you had a relationship with a professor? Our hot professor?" He shrieks at me.
"Hey, keep it down will you?" I hiss at him despite being alone in the apartment with him.
"That's so unfair. I can't believe you already did the dirty with our delicious irresistible professor." Alois wails.
"Can we please go back to the issue here? I got rejected." I wave my hands at him.
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Dang Ciel, I never knew you're so sly when it comes to men. What are you going to do?"
"I don't know." I burst into tears. " I don't know what to do. It hurts so much just thinking that I won't be able to be with him anymore. I feel so soulles, and my life simply turns to shades of grey. I feel like I'm just existing."
"Oh Ciel." Alois hugs me tight. "I'm so sorry to hear that." I cling to him. I know my best friend would understand. I know he would keep my secrets. Our friends wouldn't understand. I can't tell them that I crave for Sebastian.
I know what I did was stupid. We clearly agreed never to mix our emotions in our business I know Sebastian can never be mine. It was our agreement from the start. Yet I blurted those things to him, no wonder he rejected me. I was the one who didn't keep to the end of my contact.
But I was so desperate, especially after what happened with Elizabeth. I wanted Sebastian to erase Elizabeth's touch on my body. In the end, I only looked like a fool.
