Sleeping with my brothers band mate -One Direction Fanfiction-

Chapter 8 (part two)

It's nice to no my readers are there for me (note the sarcasm) I had a RELAPSE A FREAKING RELAPSE and all you can comment is shit 'your not the only one with problems'. That is horrible to be honest I was telling you why.

I updated hoping you'd agree and get off my back a little but no and because of that this book will either have to go on hold untill I can update every couple of days with won't be till around christmas time or be deleted. Thank you for reading some of you are lovely! But others are just being so in consideration I'm THIRTEEN!! The vote things are staying on so 30 votes and I will update. I will updating on Fridays or Sundays of each week :)x

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It just this feeling... And the pit of your stomach doesn't cover it. It's stretches everywhere. It's overwhelming, complete, and... immeasurable, in a way. Without bound or length, or depth. Absolute. Unchanging and ever-changing simultaneously.

Fiery. And yet, safe. As though someone has given you a peace. Something nothing else could have quenched. For me, it's like... One time he said he'd rather be dead than lose me.

All I could think was, 'without life, he wouldn't be here. And I'd still be lost. Not knowing what I was missing, but feeling what wasn't there.' I have four journals filled with stories and feelings and words and passions and experiences of how much I love him?

It's wanting to give them everything. It's being the last thing you think about at night, and the first thing you think about in the morning. It's that notebook kind of love. It's a sickening feeling when you see him cry, and a happy-go-lucky one when you see him smile. It's feeling as though you've won the lottery when you make him laugh, even barely chuckle.

It's closing your eyes and seeing a future together, as one and as two. It's also work. Working to keep stable on the ship. It's being in the middle of an all-out scream fest, but still knowing, in the back of your mind, that tomorrow night's date is going to be breathtaking. Because a fight is only a minute pebble in the midst of your feelings.

It's being able to kiss your best friend. Having butterflies and a constant elevated heartbeat with even a single graze of the hand. It's feeling completely and utterly unworthy of this kind of love. It's passion, yet comfort... an insane sort of sanity, calm yet completely unnerved... and a billion other oxymorons. And so much care. So much... you look into his eyes and you see love.

You see the man you'd give your life for. It's loving someone too much to quit. And yet... it's loving someone enough to leave, if that's what they need. It's being able to break your heart for them, if they can't do it themselves. And... there is an immense difference between LOVE and IN love.

I actually have a journal entry, of when I realized I was IN love with him. I suppose I could share it hahaha."I'm in love with him. Really, honestly. He never leaves my mind. He's always there. Mentally and physically. It's just incomprehensible. He's my one stable force. My life is always changing and I just... I trust him. To stay with me.

Always. He's my one stability in a world of chaos. And I need that in my life. I love him so much for that. I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM. He's everything to me. And I can't see the end. 'I like fans for the noise, not the air. I wish they made windless fans.'" (that last part was just something I had told him earlier that day. It had made him laugh. Basically everything I say that makes him laugh I write down. He has the best laugh.

So it's been a month since me and Niall started to fake date and I being the person I am have felt head other heels in love with him.

Having no feelings towards Harry, Niall told me that he is starting to fall in love with someone but won't tell me who, which is bugging me.

*flashback*

"Clouds I need to ask something" His husky voice made ny heart pound ten times faster. "Umm sure, whats up Ni"

"How can I tell a girl I like her?" My heart broke in two at that sentences. Crushed wasn't the word.

"I don't know I've never been in that situation, Niall who is it?" I asked in a pleading voice. He hessated for a second "Um I can't say."

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Sorry it's short I don't have time I'm in school right now. 30 VOTES PLEASE xo