Living a Nightmare

Past Thoughts

Though it happened so long ago I still remember it so clearly.... The images still fresh in my mind, still horrifying to the thought, and still evident among the many scars it has left me...

Age 5...
I remember looking out into the night sky. The stars seemed dimmer that night, as though something bad was going to happen. A shiver crawled down my back with an alertness that someone was watching. I quickly turned to find no one...nothing...nothing at all. I was truly alone and I felt a sort of emptiness. A swift breeze blew through my curly,short hair and the sound of chirping crickets filled the night. The grass under my feet was cold and damp. Suddenly, a slight sound of what seemed to be footsteps reached my ears. My heart pounded, I wanted to run, run away to where no one would find me, to where no one would ever know. I held my breath and turned around only to find my big brother. I loved my big brother, he always protected me from mom and dad. They would often beat me, and my brother had always come to help me out. Some days I felt guilty, my brother getting beaten for something I did made me feel like I owed him an apology. Though my brother was nice, there was always something off about him... Something strange about his posture. Or was it his face? Maybe his eyes seemed inhuman to me or his smile deceiving. Though he smiled I knew he was truly upset. Like something was bothering him. There was a sort of eagerness when he was around me and knowing what he was capable of made him seem formidable and terrifying in a way. He gave me a hug and told me it was time for bed. I grasped his hand insecurely and looked up at the sky once more. I made a wish that night, that things would get better somehow, and started along the path with my brother.  I whispered good bye to my friends watching quietly as I left the empty field.

Age 6:
I remember the smell of chocolate coming from a nearby chocolate fountain at my sixth birthday. We were at the park and many were invited, however no one showed up except for my best friend Mika. My parents couldn't see Mika and so I was punished for speaking of her. They would often cut me or beat me if I mentioned her, and so I decided to keep Mika a secret. I was sitting around alone when Mika asked me to follow her to the field. She grabbed my hand and led me there. Her hand was soft and light almost like she wasn't there but I knew she was real. She was my best friend after all. When we reached the field Mika asked me to look her in the eyes. I looked into her dark blue eyes but her frilly white dress and long black hair distracted me. Finally, our eyes locked, I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my chest, it was the cold air... Wait no, it was the fear building up inside me. The sudden terror made me shiver and my senses began to nullify. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths but began to hyperventilate.
Suddenly someone grabbed me from behind.
I screamed and squirmed. They put me down and told me to calm down. When I opened my eyes it was only my brother and Mika was gone.. I felt drowsy and confused. When I looked up at my brother his eyes grew wide and a worried expression grew on his face. I asked him what was wrong and when I looked down at my clothes they were tainted with blood.