Drown [z.m.]

19.

The night Zayn Malik's heart whispered to his mind that he wanted to die, his eyes were red, the sofa was stained with beer and the world was oddly delicate, for he, Zayn Malik is drunk beyond measure.

He will regret prising open his mother's cabinet and grabbing the first bottle, (it looked pretty; with a label in German and it smelled like berries) then mercilessly chugging down its contents. He will regret it when Charlotte will show up at the doorstep and he will yell at her. He will regret it when twenty seven missed calls will go unanswered, and when sorry sorry sorry will die on his lips.

Yes, he will regret it all, but for now, with a bottle neck clenched between his fingers and a throat on fire, he is content.

And the world seems to tip on its axis, so Zayn holds onto the couch, his nails digging in to the expensive fabric. He is crying. He is crying hard. His body is shaking with sobs, and he cannot stop, because Liam Payne had confessed a mere few hours ago that he had lost his words and forgotten them. Zayn wants to yell, and so he does, his throat raw and aching and burning.

But the doorbell rings and he must stagger, stumble, trip to answer the door, and to find his sister there.

"Zayn."

"Lottie."

"You're drunk, aren't you?"

"N-no.."

What a liar Zayn Malik is.

"Hell, Zayn, hell."

Charlotte is bombarded by the fact that she has nobody to talk to - Louis has kicked her and Matilda out and her brother (whose fault it was, originally) has numbed senses and a broken heart.

She is alone and that scares her, so she steps back.

"I'll take care of you, Lottie."

Zayn Malik is nothing but a liar.

"I care, Lottie. Come- come in."

But Zayn Malik is a liar, he is a liar, a liar, a liar, a liar.

"I don't- I didn't mean for this to happen. Please come back."

But Charlotte has lost herself. She lost herself when Louis told her never to come back, and when Matilda cried herself to sleep at night, and when her brother is drunk and breaking. So she is losing herself, tearing up and being beaten up.

"Please, Charlotte."

"It shouldn't have happened."

"I can't-"

Zayn Malik collapses on the doorstep, his knees and mind and intuition giving up. The bottle falls away and apologies are hidden somewhere behind his lips, so why can't he find them?

I'm strong. I can do this. It will be okay.

Stop lying to yourself, Zayn Malik. Stop lying to yourself. 

Because once, all the toughest, strongest people in the world were once as soft, as delicate as water. And that is the tragedy of living. 

...

hi! i'm srry it's short but writer's block is the worst ://

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