SKINNY LOVE

Skinny Love 01

Some things are meant to be broken, meant for resolution and meant to be forgotten, he mused gulping down more alcohol into his aching body. He half laughed half coughed. Everything's fucked up and nothing make sense anymore.

He's just going to drink until all the bottles emptied and crushed below his feet because the whole world is against him now. It's just not fair.

He's not stupid. He knew sometimes promises are meant to be broken just as words are meant to be forgotten.

But they were Gods... Gods were not made to break were they? No. They were not made to lose and forget. They were meant to survive. So what happened here? What happened?

Wasn't it HIM who told everyone to last the year? Every year, wasn't it HIM who said those words to them? Wasn't it HIS voice who whispered those words into his ears, the words he blindly held onto? Because HE is, he choked but continued with his thoughts stubbornly, HE IS his lifeline.

He laughed delusively, thrashing another bottle and grabbing another soon after. U Know Yunho wasn't just TVXQ's leader.... Jung Yunho wasn't just Jung Yunho... Yunho is Jaejoong's breath, his reason and his sanity. Yunho is Jaejoong's nothing and everything, had always been that way before and it crushed his heart knowing how true the statement is right this moment.

They were told to be strong. They were advised to be patient. They were asked to be balanced. They were required to be kind and fine. All for the promise of a better future. So they did their best with their breaking bodies and equally breaking hearts.

But those were words Yunho preached himself. Those were words Yunho drilled into him to believe. Were they never there? But the tears drying upon his cheeks and the blood dripping from his hands were real, weren't they? He touched his cheek angrily, scrapping the skin and bringing the red blood fingers into his mouth. The taste numbed him.

Dead...? Yunho's dead? But how can he die? What happened here?

Jaejoong cried. He wailed and cried harder.

He was the unstable one, the odd one. He was the one who played with height, with drugs and knives. He was the laughing, crying mess who wants to break and fall. He was the wrong one.

But people flocked around him when TVXQ's divided. People supported him when Yunho left.

Was Yunho the one left behind when nobody was looking?

Everything's destroyed now. All his fights and fears to be patient, to be fine and balanced, all of it was useless. They meant nothing to Yunho. His Yunho let go.

Was living that painful? Jaejoong can't remember anymore. He'd forgotten everything when Yunho cut all the ropes and ties with the world... with him. Because surely this hurts more than anything combined. Knowing that Yunho's gone, so effortlessly gone without as much as a warning or a goodbye note took his faith and hope away.

Wasn't he the strongest among them? Wasn't he the one who told Jaejoong to hold on? Wasn't he happy now? Things were getting better, weren't they?

Now Junsu will never smile again. Yoochun will never cry again. Changmin will never speak again.

It was like nothing ever happened. Like TVXQ never existed. How can there be TVXQ without Yunho? How can there be Jaejoong without Yunho?

Jaejoong is no one without Yunho.

To think that Jaejoong was going to love him until Yunho forgives him... Because when Yunho said they were over, he never said goodbye. Like always, Yunho never said goodbye with him. He can't. Yunho can't unlove him.

But to think that Yunho tricked him into living all this while... To think that Yunho didn't even asked him to come along... How can he not tell him goodbye this time?

Jaejoong love Yunho more than anything combined. He fought for him, despite their distance and unspoken hate, Jaejoong fought for Yunho. He did. He fought for him with every breaths. He fought for the one who took his life away and left him alone for good. He fought for him.

And now there's no reason to fight anymore.