“I don’t love you anymore..” ”Since when?” “2 months ago…”
So I was from a bad break up when I met somebody. His name is Alan. He’s like the best boyfriend I ever had. He fixed my heart. He loved me until my hurt was gone. So I fell inlove with him. EVERY MORNING when I woke up hE WOULD TEXT me “GOOD MORNING HON! I LOVE YOU” and before I sleep he would text me and say “GOOD NIGHT HON! I LOVE YOU.” We got used to that. We had fun. We went out of town, we went swimming. I helped him do his homework. He helped me do mine. I helped him write his research paper, and he was supportive of me in everything I do. We went to church together. My parents know him, His parents know me. I was close to his family. He was (well) close with mine too. I slept in his house. He slept in my house. WE WERE ALWAYS TOGETHER.. IN SHORT, WE WERE HAPPY. (I thought.) He promised everyday that we were together that he WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME, cause I was afraid he would leave me like my first boyfriend… I BELIEVED HIM.
SOME POINTS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT HIM before reading the rest of the story:
1. He likes party girls (unfortunately I am not his type, I am a church girl) He is a party BOY. TADA! Well he stopped partying for 10 months since I was his girlfriend.
2. He doesn’t like hugs, kisses, in public, (holding hands would do)
3. He NEVER CRIES.
4. He only had one girlfriend before me. and they were going steady for 3 weeks.
5. His parents are not living with him, His father is living out of the country with someone new, and his mom lives alone in another country. SO IN SHORT HE LIVES ALONE almost all his life.
WE HAD FUN FOR LIKE 9 months..Then I started demanding things, I wanted him to come to me whenever I want. I wanted him to go to events I attended even though he didn’t liked it since all he wanted was to play basketball and do some computer games. I asked more of him… I shouted at him when we were fighting. I got out of his car when we were fighting, and I think this is one of the reasons he fell out of love. But he didn’t have the courage to tell me that.
Then I was sent by the school somewhere far, for an immersion for 2 weeks, (we recently celebrated our 10th monthsary during this time) I always got angry at him that time since he was too tired to talk to me, ALWAYS. He was being cold, and I felt that there is something bothering him. BUT I TRIED TO IGNORE IT, cause I DON’T WANT TO LOSE HIM. (I know it’s stupid, but I LOVE HIM .. SO MUCH)
I went home and we became sweet again. AFTER TWO MONTHS, We celebrated our 1st year anniversary. I thought we can make it. after a month, I started smelling something fishy is going on, since at night he didn’t want to talk to me again, and he ALWAYS SLEEPS EARLY, in the past few days. So one day, I opened his fb account and searched to his friends, then I saw a picture of him, in a bar, with 2 girls on his both sides and he was like having fun. I was so frustrated that he didn’t tell me that he was out partying and I thought all this time he WAS JUST RESTING EARLY. It killed me to see that he WAS LYING ALREADY. so i confronted him, and told me, why is he hiding things to me. He said if he asked for my permission, I will say no. So I made a promise that it’s okay to party out, he just have to tell me. So I will not worry of his whereabouts. So I thought the discussion was gone. So the next day, he wasn’t texting me at all. I didn’t receive a “good morning Hon. I love you..” so i was worrying, and until the evening he wasn’t texting, then suddenly, his friend texted me, and said that Alan’s Iphone is missing that’s why he wasn’t texting me.. then finally he bought another sim card that night, and he was worrying about his Iphone. I asked him where did he put it. He said it was in his bedroom, and maybe the maid got it. So I said let’s find out. I BELIEVED THAT. unfortunately after a week he told me the TRUTH. He said he invited his friends over (girls and guys) they partied in his house all night, and the girl who went to his room got his phone. He was pleading to me, and saying “please don’t be mad. I will not do it again.” I said yes. so he got his phone back from the girl, by hunting her. Then one day he told me again about his lie. When we were celebrating our anniversary,( he hurried home that time) he said, his mom will call there, (overseas call,. so it’s important) he told me that it was a lie, and he hurried because he and his friends were bar hopping that night, and he said he was sorry, so I WAS HURT BUT didn’t mind it. Then one day, two days before our 13th monthsary (1 year and 1 month) I was in his house, we were sleeping, when suddenly, somebody texted him, I was curious so I tried to reach his phone and he woke up so he got his phone and we were running all around the house and fighting over his phone., when suddenly I got it, and read the message, a girl texted him and said “Please buy me some load, I’ll pay later”
So I got so mad and started shouting at him, so when we stopped fighting, his eyes suddenly turned watery, as if he was about to cry. then he massaged my face and combed my hair, and hugged me. So I asked him, is there a problem, he said he was going to tell me something.. So I asked him what is that, and he told me he would tell me later when we are riding his car already. So I kissed him but he didn’t kiss me back. So I felt the breaking up was coming, our relationship is coming to an end that day. :l So when we are in his car, I started saying stuff that would make him stay. I said that I would change my attitude, and be nice to him. I said that I would never get jealous anymore. Then I said, “What were you telling me a while ago” Then he suddenly cried, and said “I don’t want to do this anymore.” and then I tried to hold my tears then I said “Why” He said “I got tired and I don’t want to hurt you anymore, I AM BEING UNFAIR TO YOU. going out with some girls, meeting girls in the bar, I AM SO UNFAIR, AND I DON’T WANT TO DO THAT TO YOU ANYMORE.” “Is there someone else?” “No.” ”Do you still love me..” “I’m sorry…” He said. and I said “answer me.. I know it will hurt but eventually I have to face it. do you still love me..” “…no..I don’t love you anymore” “Since when?” I said. “I stopped loving you 2 months ago…” And that’s it, all the tears I was preventing for hours, went down. I cried hard. but still didn’t want to show him. It’s raining hard that time. As if God was on my side. I cried while the rain poured down at the window of his car. He was crying too. I know it wasn’t easy for him but even though I tried and tried to understand that, I can’t cause HE LEFT ME WITHOUT A WARNING. HE LEFT ME WHEN I NEEDED HIM. HE LEFT ME AFTER I GAVE EVERYTHING. HE LEFT ME LIKE I WAS A THING HE GOT TIRED OF.When we reached home, I got out of his car but he followed me and asked for one last kiss. I told myself that this was it.this is MY LAST KISS WITH HIM. So we kissed for a long time. and we slow danced in the rain for one last time (DRAMATIC SCENE RIGHT. I don’t know why we did that.) and I said good bye. Unfortunately in the evening he texted me and told me he can’t live without me.and he still loves me. and I was touched by this, so we got back again that night. so we texted “GOOD NIGHT HON I LOVE YOU.” I was happy again, but in the morning, I woke up, nervous, what if he changed his mind again, so I texted him before going to church.. “GOOD MORNING HON. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH”Then me and my parents went to church, (Same church with him) so I saw him there, but this time, he didn’t go near me, he was ignoring me. when my parents and I went home, i looked at my phone, and realized that he didn’t reply to my text. THERE WAS NO GOOD MORNING HON. I LOVE YOU.” So i asked, are we okay and he replied,” IT would be better if we become friends only” and I was shocked by this. I cried for day, for weeks, for months, and now, it’s almost the same time last year when the break up scene happened. (It happened JULY 17, 2010) I AM STILL NOT OVER HIM. I STILL CRY OVER HIM. I AM STILL NOT STRONG. I HAVEN’T MOVED ON THAT MUCH. I ONLY STOPPED NEEDING HIM but I NEVER STOPPED LOVING HIM. HE WAS STILL LIVING IN MY DREAMS, and MEMORIES, I still wore his baller band. (THE MOST IMPORTANT BRACELET FOR HIM. HE GAVE IT TO ME July 1, 2010 when I was doing a special number in the church…good luck charm) I STILL WAIT FOR HIS CAR OUTSIDE OUR HOUSE. and most especially, when I wake up every morning, I NEVER STOPPED WAITING FOR HIS TEXT SAYING “GOOD MORNING HON. I LOVE YOU.” I am waiting for the day, that I stop waiting for this message, (I KNOW IT WILL NEVER COME AGAIN, it’s just that I am still hoping for it. stupidity right?) I am waiting for the day that I STOP LOVING HIM…. SOMEDAY.. I can’t wait forever right?
