La minette et le loup - The kitty and the wolf

Different

I always knew I was different. Not in the "Oh I'm so uniquely different"-way, more the "I'm kind of strange"-different-way. That never bothered me though.

My family was shattered. With my dad being in another country for half of the year and not really spending time with us when he was here, my mum brought us up, meaning me and my two younger sisters, all alone. Actually I even liked the time my dad was not here more because if my parents are together they keep arguing almost nonstop. It's funny that for other people we are the family with lovely and well-behaved three daughters who have loving parents. Ironic how we all learned to play roles from a young age. Anyways, that wasn't what I actually wanted to write about.
So right now I'm sitting in my class room and writing this during my history lessons. I'm in 10th grade in the Gymnasium and I skipped the seventh class after the first half-year. Although I wanted to stay in contact with my friends from my former class I kind of couldn't. But to be honest we weren't close so it's not that bad. Making friends was easy for me even though I was really shy. The problem with all my friend is that we get never really close. I only have female friends and no best friend, no one with whom I can talk about everything, no one with whom I can share my secrets, my sorrows, no one with whom I can gossip about the boys. I had a lot of friends but still was lonely, really very lonely. You need to know that I have trust issues. Because of my mum. Since I was a little girl she always kept telling me that the world is evil and that I should trust no one especially when it comes to personal or family issues. "If you tell them they will use that against you or tell everyone about that. Do you want this to happen?", she used to tell me.
So I started to write a diary and wrote everything in my mind down. But a diary isn't the same as a person, right? It won't judge you or yell at you but it won't comfort or advice you either. All my secrets and problems and thoughts kept destroying me slowly from within. My emotional condition kept becoming worse with every day. I read thousands of sad quotes on instagram and could relate to all of them. I became depressed. 
Now I want to explain what's "strange" about me:
I am not allowed to have male friends (that's because of my parents), I almost never go out with my friends (mostly if we do something together they always come to me), I always keep smiling and playing my role (no one can even imagine that  I might have problems or that I'm sad, really no one can tell that I'm broken inside), I am 15 and still really innocent (meaning that I don't know much about sex and stuff), I don't even know the most stars everyone in class talks about. Kind, intelligent, shy, always-smiling, nerdy, living-in-her-fantasy-world, book-loving girl - that's me. At least the me other people see. No one knows what lies deep inside me. Maybe no one ever will?