"Jack. We need to talk." Mark says from the other side of the screen.
"What's wrong babe?" I ask.
He sighs and brings his hand up to his hair. "I...I think we should break up."
My whole body froze as his words sunk in. He... He was dumping me?
"C-can I ask w-why?" My voice shook. I wasn't going to cry. Not right in front of him.
"It's not that I don't care about you." He rushes. "I do. It's just the long distance. I just can't do it anymore."
I nod and bite my lip. "O-ok." I whisper. "I understand."
"Sean..." He starts but I just shake my head.
"No. It's fine. I understand." I try to smile but I don't think he believed it. "It's not a big deal. This was stupid anyway."
"Jack I don't want to lose you." He says with tears in his eyes. "I just can't..."
"Mark really, it's ok." I smile much more reassuringly even though my insides felt like liquid steel. "We're still pals. This doesn't change anything. It's not like we were really dating anyway. It's only been a few months."
"That's not true!" Mark says. "It's not like that!"
"Mark please. It's no big deal." I make a show of glancing at the time. "Look bud, I really got to get some sleep. I'll talk to you soon." I say and log out. As soon as the call ended, sobs racked my body. How could I have been stupid enough to think that would work? That we would work? We're just friends. That's all we'll ever be. That's final now.
I crawl away from my set up and onto my bed.
"I'm so stupid!" I sob.
I just wish I had never asked him out. We could have just stayed friends but noooo. I had to be stupid and make a move. He probably didn't even want to say yes. He probably just did it so he wouldn't hurt me. He's to good for me. He always has been. Why couldn't I have seen that before? God I'm such an idiot!
"I love you." I whisper to the empty air. How stupid am I to fall in love with him? I had fallen so hard and now I guess I had landed. And God did it hurt. It felt like every kind word, every sweet gesture I had ever received was ripped away to leave only the hateful, awful things. It felt like I was no longer whole. Like my being was nothing but a shell.
"I love you." I say again. "I love you." I hate this. "I love you." I need to stop. "I love you." I'm just hurting myself. "I... Love... You."
---
I jump up with tears running down my face. That's the fifth nightmare this week. What was I doing to myself?
I look at the clock and notice it was ten AM. I didn't care. I just lay there in my own tears and hatred of myself. There must be a reason I keep getting these dreams. I must be so afraid of losing him that it haunts me. I just don't know what to do anymore.
My computer sounded suddenly and looked over to see a Skype call.
Markimoo
I sigh and walk over to it. I try to wipe the tears and snot away best I can before answering.
"Hey." I smile.
YOU ARE READING
Oneshots!
FanfictionI'll be writing in here when I'm supposed to be writing my other story's because I'm trash and can't just commit to an idea.