Insanity

The Words That He Felt.

All of my life I just wanted a chance. A chance to be with my one true love, so it seemed. I knew her since the first grade and ever sense she gave me her swing I fell in love. Yah I know it was stupid but hey I was a kid and the feeling kept the same even to now, we're both freshman, she's fourteen, birthday in the summer, while I'm fifteen and my birthday just past this August...in the middle of October where everything seems to be in color lies the one call that make the whole season take a double take by her glory.

Don't ask me why I'm in love with her, because I can't, and I don't believe that I need a reason, there was something about her that was just so real, but yet so hard to explain.

Her name your probably wondering by now is Effie, she was skinny and pale, with brown eyes and long locks of light brown hair, her parents were together and it seemed like Effie had the life that everyone dreamed of, no complications, no past that haunts her, but of course everyone has their flaws and everyone has something that happen to them that effects who they are today, for example my father was a drug-addict, hooked on the famous crack and heroin which led to my abuse at a young age but now I'm fine and my father is nowhere to be found, unless your my mom who claims that he is in rehab but when you check every rehab clinic in South Dakota and trust me there is barley even one then you know for a fact he is MIA.

Just Effie's problem was that she was mental unstable, the doctors claim Effie is bipolar but I doubt to believe that, Effie can't be mental unstable, she was to perfect to be, but every time I told her that she would scream at me saying that she isn't perfect, so I just call her immaculate, which is close enough, and a word she doesn't understand.

Every Tuesday and Thursday's I go to Effie's house to help her with homework and just to get her to laugh since her family insist that I do since Effie's really doesn't have any friends at school, little does she actually go. Other days it's Effie's time or she has a therapist coming in to give her daily checkups, Dr. Moeshaw which Effie always finds some way to make fun of.

Today was Tuesday and I would be heading down her rock pathway that seemed to be exactly like leap pads in the water and I would jump onto them as if they are, reminding me of what Effie and I use to do when we were little. When I finally got to her white door with painted flowers that Effie drew when she was little, I was welcomed by her mother who was basically identical to Effie just a little smaller. She had an apron on with splashed of paint, possible a current project she was working on.

Effie's parents, Brandon and Amber were possible the coolest parents you can find, Amber was obviously a artist that always had new art each month and was redecorating something in the house while Brandon was a contractor, a great couple you may say. But Effie couldn't stand her parents she claimed they were stuck in the 80s waiting for their lives to comeback, of course I laughed but I'm pretty sure Effie was serious.

When Effie's mother finally let me in, I ran up the spiral staircase to Effie's room which was basically the attic. The room was long in space but made a perfect triangle, her room was filled with light as the pointed ceiling had open windows for the sun to come in, Effie's bed was in the middle of the room and she had a desk and bookshelf close by plus her own bathroom with a bright rose pink wallpaper but she also had her own art studio up there that was always untouched but ready to be used, we pray that she would use it, Effie's parents and I but as I got to the top of the stair it reminded the way it was for the last years, the paint dried to stone.

When I finally walked past the studio, Effie was laying on her bed with just a black shirt on, letting her black underwear show and identical bra be expose past the shirt. Her shirt fell of her shoulder and she was still wearing her golden urban triangle necklace for the past years. I couldn't help but to stop for a moment in my tracks. Her hair was naturally wavy and it ran past her breast, I didn't know if she was asleep but soon she popped up.

"You son of a bitch! Really immaculate, what the hell did I say to you," she got up from her bed as it made a small scream her vintage pattern comforter alms or falling to the ground, "Oh Alex, you always trying to compliment me everyday" she came up to me, as much as I towered over her; 5'1 and Me being;6'2 I still couldn't help but fall for her. She came close to me, her body touching mine and she grab the back of my neck pulling me in for a kiss. Then she stared into my green warm eyes, "What am I going to do with you?"

I know what your thinking, Alex you obviously have the girl, I mean she just kissed you, but that kiss my friends meant nothing, she didn't really even kiss me, it was more of a welcoming present that I get every time I see her, she didn't want everything to be the same like everything else is for everyone, she could kiss her friends and there could be nothing wrong with it, and as much as I wanted the real deal, I was satisfied with the friend zone kiss.

She walked back to her bed and sat down when she soon lay back down and stared at the sky through her window. Her arms out by her sides and her legs propped up, the first thing I notice is her arms, the scars from where she cut herself, and the recently fresh ones getting closer to her wrist. This was part of her disorder, she would cut herself for reasons she didn't have, most of the time she doesn't even recall doing it, another thing about her disorder, memory loss and it was thickening, she probably doesn't even remember calling me a son of a bitch or kissing me. Sometime I'm surprise she remembers who I am, but she always does.

The doctor says its only going to get worst, her symptoms but I look past that even though one night during middle school, when I was only 12 she called me saying that something was telling her to take all of her pills, and another time this strange voice told her to cut the blue lines, referring to her veins. That night I raced over here to find her sound asleep, which made me think I was losing it for a second but I just lay by her and waiting till the morning rose which her parents didn't mind, they rather have her safe in my arms then anyone else's and they knew they could trust me.

All I ask for is that you don't judge her, I know she is completely mess up but that's not truly who she is, she likes to mess around and she dreams of sees the world and living life with a family and growing old. She's not suicidal. If anything she begs to live, it's just this disorder is fighting her and as long as I have her in my life I am determined to let her see the world and to live the life she deserves.