Insanity

She Fell Into My World.

The first day I ever went to Effie's house, she was 9 and I was 10, not knowing much about her just for a quick drop off of her assignments that she missed, I knew her and I was still in love with her, just this was the first time I every walked foot into her house and when I did there was a surprised upstairs for me, her. But there was more then just her, she sat in the corner of her room, in fuzzy bottoms and a yellow tank top that was now covered in her own blood. I didn't know what to think she stared into my eyes unstable to keep the connection as the blood came running out she turn towards it, whispering "Help me" When I finally got the view of where it was coming from she had cut her wrist, deep and horizontal close to her elbow but missing the perfect line by a couple of inches. I got her parents and I could tell by their reaction that this wasn't their first rodeo, they refused to take her to the hospital out of fear of losing her, they knew she wasn't suicidal it was just the thoughts in her head that she couldn't control. They wrapped her wrist in bandages until the bleeding had stop, they lay her in bed until the blood was able to come back to her arm, they changed her and they let me stayed which I don't know why I did but I'm glad I did because I learned more about her then I've learned in school or around town. She was funny and she love to smile, but she feared herself, taking her own life by force, not choice but from that I day I promised her that she would live to see her grandchildren, and live the life she deserves. It was a promise I've never made to anyone but with her I could keep it until she did take her last breath. Until she had live the life she was dreaming about for years, but the cutting didn't stop, the thoughts remained, and Effie was still completely insane.

I lay next to her staring at the window to the blue cloudy sky that this moment stop time and just having Effie beside me made my life compete, this moment worth it all, Effie was so beautiful, so delicate that just seeing her smile widen as she was enjoying this moment was a view I could look at for days, my heart loved the view, and he smile was contagious, a smile she always would sneak in the brighten the world.

"This is what I love. Hold onto the most. Moments like these where my mind is open and positive not thinking about harm or evilness, where I can truly smile and be happy and not have to pretend. These moments when I'm with you are what is worth living for" Effie's words were like silk and they come out so gently and soothing.

"Effie?," I questioned having her turn toward me to have the sun capture her features, "Please don't ever change. You are so beautiful I just wish the world wasn't against you" she smiled softly closing her eyes to think then she gazed into mine making my heart skip a beat.

"As long as I am here, I will never change, I will always be your one and only" her graceful smile widen at the ends and her natural dimples came sneaking in.

"We can't choose who we are, and what we believe in, our skin color, our eyes, who are parents are, were born with it, and all of us are capable of living our life the way we want too. You just have to want it," she turn towards me keeping her smile in place and she slowly moved her hand toward my chest, letting he fingers softly lay them down and just touch, "Alex? Why would anyone want to give this up?" I thought about her question for a second trying to think of the answer she was looking for, "I don't know, pain? It's too much"

She smiled once again with a hidden laugh behind it.
"Everything is going to be too much for people, everything is going to have pain, good or bad. You can't change that about life you just have to keep yourself up and learn from it. If it wasn't for my illness I wouldn't be who I am, your life would be different it wouldn't be the same, but even if I wasn't here you still carry on. To me, you are whatever you want to be and you can't let anything stop you as long as you put the effort into it, as long as you want to be seen and you want to be heard you have to be willing to fight for it until it finally happens," she stood up and fling her head towards me, "let's go on an adventure"