That Horrible Mouth of Yours

SIX.

"Eddie!" I shot up as fast as I could and scrambled to turn on the lights.

He was obviously more drunk than when he left, but I was worried about how he got into the room.

"How, uh, how did you get in here?" I stammered.

"I got an extra fuckin' key when I bought you the room, but I come back to check on you at three in the fucking morning, and you're not here!" Eddie's face was getting red; his voice rising by the syllable.

"I, I went to get some f-food, at a diner down the road," Second mistake. Out of fear I began to stumble over my words, and I pressed my back against the bedframe in an effort to put space between us.

"With that skinny fuck in the truck stop?" Eddies voice got dangerously low and calm as he analyzed my reaction.

I gulped and pressed my eyes and mouth shut, keeping tears from spilling out. Yet his face said it all. He knew I had been with Clement, and he was furious.

"Don't you like me, Luli? Ain't that what this whole night was about?"

"I do like you, Eddie, I do," I gasped as a salty tear dropped into my mouth. "I was just bein' friendly, that's all."

I watched his eyes take over my body, taking in every scratch, bruise, and birthmark. The way he was looking at me now was not the charming and kind look men give women in movies, it was not the look I had seen many men give my mother, it was a predatory gaze you would see on an animal about to capture it's prey.

"Show me, Luli, show me you want to be with me," he stepped closer to me and once again I backed away.

"I don't understand. What do you want me to do? I already said I wanted to be with you," I was confused, but also frightened of the events about to unfold.

How do you show someone you want to be with them? Every nerve in my body told me to kiss him, but I was terrified. Not the nervous kind of scared, with sweaty palms and chapped lips, but actual fear of what may happen if I open my body to this man. I ran my tongue over my lips and eased my body off the bed, listening to the springs creak under my weight.

Third and final mistake.

I gingerly approached Eddie, slowly raising my arm to push the hair away from his face. The gaze he had fixed on me hadn't lessened, but he was at least looking into my eyes. I smiled softly and led him to the chair by the window. I can do this, I am on my own now. I protect myself. Once Eddie was in the chair, and not nearly as rigid as when I'd first seen him, I leaned over and whispered in his ear.

"I do want to be with you."

But I didn't. I didn't want to be anywhere near him ever again after this. All I wanted was to get away as fast as possible, but I knew I couldn't leave until Eddie was exhausted enough to sleep.

I kissed along his jaw, pausing only to suck on a sensitive spot. I could feel him tensing underneath me, but it seemed like a nervous tense, not an anxious or angry tense. I let out a soft breath on his cheek and moved to look him in the eyes.

"I don't just want to be with you, I want you," I lied through my teeth, hoping to relax him. He stared at me, pulling his lip in his teeth.

Before he could respond, I caught his lips with mine, and slowly climbed on top of his lap. None of this gave me butterflies, only a knot in my stomach that was increasing by the second. I kept the tears from falling and just continued kissing him until he forced his tongue into my mouth. I was shocked for only a moment, and then gradually positioned his hands on my body. My waist, my legs, my hips. I shuddered a little when he ran a hand under my shirt, but quickly recovered so he wouldn't sense it.

"Take it off," he ordered me. "I want to see your body."

I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment before standing before him and peeling off my shirt, sweat and humidity dripping down my back. I was only in my cutoff shorts now, and I felt vulnerable and exposed.

"Shorts, too," Eddie stared directly at my chest and I felt the need to cross my arms tightly.

"Eddie, I-"

"Do it, Luli."

I paused and looked down at my bare feet. My blue nail polish was now chipped and dirt was under all my toenails. I sucked in a deep breath and look up at Eddie.

"I don't want to, Eddie."

He clenched his jaw and looked me up and down. As he did this I noticed the tightness in his pants. I was unsure what to do, the only other boy I had ever kissed was Roger Jenkins in the first grade, and we had both immediately spit on the ground afterwards. But now was different, now I was going to do something I had never done before, and it was terrifying. I walked over to Eddie, and let him look at me, touch me, and even kiss me, but I stopped him. I guided my hands down his chest, still keeping eye contact, and began unbuttoning his shirt. Once I had nearly ripped the fabric from his body, I got down on my knees and started fumbling with his belt.

He grabbed my hands and quickly undid his belt with much less fuss than I had. I tried to remove the rest of his clothes as fast as I could, just wanting to get this over with.

. . . . .

4:17

The clock had been ticking by slowly but surely for half an hour. Eddie had fallen asleep only ten minutes ago, but had a vice grip on me. Every time I tried to move away his grip tightened. All I wanted was to get away from here and never come back.

4:32

The grip I had begun to get accustomed to suddenly became slack, and the deep breathing in my ear evened out. Eddie had finally fallen into a deep sleep. I gently pried his fingers away from me, and wiggled out from under him, careful to avoid the squeaky springs. Finally, I allowed myself to breathe normally; for the past hour I had been holding my breath, waiting to escape the burning arms of the man in my bed.

My clothes were all put away in the drawers, and it would be much too loud to open them all. I grabbed my bag and shoved whatever was out into it. One shirt, Glenda's dress, and some dirty clothes. I looked back at Eddie, sleeping soundly, and contemplated whether or not I could open at least one drawer and grab my things. One hand tightly gripping my bag, I grasped the handle on the drawer most of my clothes were in, and tried to pull it out slowly and quietly. No creaking. I opened the drawer enough to slide my arm in and carefully lifted out the majority of my clothes.

I did it.

I left out the breath I had been holding and silently tiptoed to the door and slid out without a trace.